What if Noah built the Ark Today? And the Lord spoke to Noah and said,” In six months I am going to cause a great rain and cover the entire earth with water.” “ All the evil people will be destroyed.” “I want to save a few good people and two of every kind of animal and living thing on the earth. “ “I am ordering you to build an Ark Noah.” In a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications of the Ark to Noah. “Ok,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. “ Six months, and it starts to rain.” thundered the Lord.” You’d better have my Ark ready or learn how to ‘tread water’ for a very, very, very long time!” Six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard crying, and there was no Ark to be seen! “Noah,” shouted the Lord, “ Where is my Ark?” A lightening bolt crashed into the ground right next to Noah. “Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best, but there were things that came up I had not anticipated!” “ First I had to get a building permit for this ark construction project, and your plans did not meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a huge fight with them over whether or not the ark needed a fire sprinkler system. Then my neighbors objected, claiming I was violating city zoning ordinance by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission. “ Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there is a ban on cutting the trees, to save the Spotted Owls. I had to convince the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls! But……They wouldn’t let me catch any owls. So Lord, …No owls! Then the carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a hammer or saw. Now we have sixteen carpenters working on the Ark, and still no owls. “ Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by some animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of every kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood! They didn’t take too kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being!! Then the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe! “ Right now I’m still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I’m supposed to hire, The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. “ I really don’t think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years,” Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky! Noah looked up and smiled. “ You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth Lord?” Noah asked hopefully. “ No” said the Lord sadly. “ The Government already has…………”
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 23:46:57 +0000