What is a boundary for those who are loving with unconditional love? A boundary is not disallowing love but allowing yourself to enable abuse, whether physical or emotional. This requires you to be truthful about what you feel first. Are you simply not liking what another gives you or not getting what you want, thus blaming someone else for abusing you. Be honest with yourself first, and then look at others, and discuss if you perceive anothers behavior as being abusive and find a reasonable way to work with things. My idea of abuse is constant limitations placed on me by your own insecurities. It also continued judgment which makes you big and makes me small. This is not equality, and you are grinding another beings worth. Bringing your feelings and honesty to the surface and finding a conductive way to communicate is essential. you can then be honest of your behavior, feelings and attack. Let me give you a story of how i illustrate what i consider boundaries. My heart is a deeper temple as is my mind and body. You come and go as you please. My compassion and love will be great. My forgiveness will be also. You come and go as you please i will not stop you but i wish only for your awareness. So you come to my temple you track mud over the carpet. i tell you not to do this, as it takes time to clean. The next time you come again and do the same, and you keep doing the same the carpet turns a muddy color despite how much cleaning i do. By allowing you to continue i am allowing you never to learn too respect these things. Perhaps in your house you prefer walking into your place with muddy shoes. I understand, but by not explaining to you what happens in this temple then how will you know. The carpet can be replaced however. Every time you come into my temple you are attacking the food that is made, you have an opinion, perhaps you do not like onions and okay. But you moan and whine and attack and you are horrible. I put up with these things and understand as i love you, but every time you come and do this over and over. Belittling me. So you come back and you break things over and over and i forgive you and understand, and you justify your ego, instead of being honest. If you are honest then all is well, but be mindful next time. But it gets to a point where i cannot afford to replace the things, and so much time and energy goes into repair and healing, rather than enjoying and sharing, and understanding and working together. Or perhaps every time you see me you punch me in the face and i forgive you and am compassionate. But sooner or later i am on the floor and you explain. Why are you on the floor, So then by having boundaries i am saying come and go as you please if there is a simple issue of my perception versus yours then this is okay this not abuse but what i ask for in life is this. If you abuse then it will get to a stage i will not clean the mess and you must do that, and then contribute something beautiful. When we are enriching each others heart temples then we are loving each other and honoring each other, while honoring our different customs, and views on life, while being loving, kind and respectful without conditions. I then am allowing flow and connection to appreciate all more. A boundary is not to keep things out or a wall, but to establish a way to communicate with all beings and establish a way to love even more. If i cannot know your desires or wishes then i cannot help you or work with you or attempt to understand you. But what i will understand is love, love is not a boundary or wall. I must back up to see you clearly before i can get close. To understand is to dissolve understanding to love unconditionally.This establishes what you allow, and being in charge of that..so i am letting you in my temple i am allowing this and am accountable in this manner for what happens to me, as i let you in. This means then by being accountable i can choose what i then can put a stop too, or find a better way. If i am not accountable i become powerless and forfit my choice allowing abuse, dissallowing love and i am not then being loving to you by allowing abuse. when you are abused you feel angry and are pulled into ego. If i am not taking the time to understand you and dismissing you then i am not allowing you a chance, i would then be not equal to you, even if you tracked mud on my carpet once, again perhaps cultural differences. But firstly i will allow my self to understand your abuse before assuming it is. I am them being reasonable before making a rash decision before booting you out. I would allow you speak first and have your say only then am i being fair to you. Boundaries are flexible and not based on rules. Nor are they a way to stop another human being themselves. They in fact allow you support more and allow you to be yourself more.
Posted on: Thu, 21 Nov 2013 20:16:32 +0000
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