What is a champion? Henry tested for his TKD black belt today. He didnt quite make it, but he will be allowed to re-test very, very soon. What happened, that he didnt promote as expected? Here is the story: Halfway through the second form, he forgot the next movement. He started again, started one more time, but it was gone. The instructor gave him a hint and he continued, but I could tell from the look on his face that a switch had flipped. Henry has ADD. He has learned to manage it very well but when he loses focus it can be really hard to get it back. In that moment, surprised by forgetting his form, all of his cramming for this test left his mind and the anxieties of the past month rushed in. You know how you cant control grief, whether you have ADD or not? He was suddenly, helplessly, reviewing all the fear and stress our family has endured lately and he couldnt shut it off. He moved on to three-step fighting. Couldnt remember. A real panic attack began to mount in his chest and he couldnt breathe, hands were shaking, tears rolling down his cheek. The grandmaster told him to go on to breaking. He set up his boards, had one false start, and then broke them all. Then sparring, with Jonas. He FOUGHT. He fought so hard. His power and strength and perfect form were amazing, especially as we could all still see the tears. He then had to recite his terminology and rules. He couldnt remember. Anything having to do with words was just gone, gone, gone. He stood there, shaking yet controlling his crying, as he was told by the grandmaster that hes been in the school for four years which is a very long time to not have this level mastered yet. He stood there as he was told he would need to re-test. He respectfully stood, blamed no one, made no excuses, accepted the judgment, thanked the teacher, and finished the closing formal ceremonies with his friends. ******************************************************************************************** Hes been in for four long years, it is true. All that started TKD with him are black belts now, or have long since dropped out. During those four years, Henry has broken each arm, been diagnosed with congenital foot and ankle deformities and received braces and therapy for that condition, gone through family unemployment and the inability to pay for classes for awhile, seen his Dad leave the state for work, and last week saw his big brother go into the hospital with a very scary medical issue. Also, as he hit puberty, his ADD went to a whole new level and hes spent two years mastering that. Mastering himself. These arent excuses. They are challenges. They are hurdles. And Henry is conquering them, one by one. He said he as he stood there unable to stop the tears, unable to catch his breath, he could only think that he really must be very stupid. I told him that nobody watching thought he was stupid. Because we all thought he was very brave. As someone there said, Lots of kids would have just quit. They would have said, youre right, four years, I guess I cant. Im out of here. Or they would have recited their reasons for failure in a bid to be understood by the grandmaster and instructors they so admire. But Henry said not a word. He just stood respectfully, and manfully accepted the truth that he did not earn his black belt today. I told Henry something I hope hell remember for his entire life. I told him that today was a test failure but it wasnt a Henry failure. When his mind betrayed him he kept his BODY and his WILL in the game. When mental preparation had been insufficient the muscle memory took over, and the courage to fight. *A child cries and runs away. A man cries and finishes the job, even if he must fight, even physically, with tears rolling down his cheeks.* Henry proved today that he will stay and fight. He can be relied upon to endure his own anguish while finishing a task. The black belt will be earned, and soon. But the accomplishment that a mother wants to see, that her son is becoming a strong and good man, happened today.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 18:22:58 +0000