What is emotion? What does it mean to feel something? Emotions have always been a little hard for me to process. Love, hate, good, bad,remorse.... what are these things? I have always said that emotions should have no baring on rational thought. But I sometimes ask myself if that is true or not. Do I say that because it is true, or is it because I have such a hard time with having emotions? Do I feel! If so how much am I feeling? Or do I just know how I should feel and act as if I have that emotion? The fact that I have to ask myself these questions makes me wonder, Im so good at faking emotions that I fool even myself? At what point does acting out emotions just because I should act that way end, and actual emotions exist? I know that I can feel a degree of love and anger. Empathy and remorse are two emotions that I never had. I had to fake empathy everyday I worked in tech support. But the truth is I never felt that way towards any of the morons that called in. All I wanted to do was fix the network issue. Remorse is a harder one to fake. Since I dont make choices based on emotions, how can I ever have remorse about my decisions? Love and anger are hard to understand. For me love is the void in me that those around me fill. They make me feel alive. Riah, Xavier, Jennifer, even Tina. Anger is the easiest emotion to understand. I want to hurt the one that wrong me or the ones I know. The only thing that stops me from killing people is my ability to logically understand what the outcome would be. What I find interesting (some people may say scary) why havent the fantaies become reality? I keep my knives razor sharp. I have thought of what I could do to a person, and enjoy it. But I never do it. Whats even more odd is that I never have these thoughts towards animals. Torturing animals I cant do. Only as euthanasia or animals as food. But humans.... it is amazing how I can think of acts that would make Hannibal Lecter cringe in horror. Can a man be a good person but have evil thoughts? Or can a person be evil but act like a good person because they see the need to act such away in a society? I wonder what I am. A good person with evil thoughts, or an evil person with good actions. Is there a difference? If someone hurt the people I know, will that be the catalyst that is needed to bring out the evil? If so, will I be able to put the beast back in its cage after the retaliation is complete? These thoughts I have kept from those I love, so that I dont scare them. But that makes me distant from others, and I loose them anyway. Well I hope you arent scared. Im not. Just curious about my emotions (or lack there of), and what I might become. Middle aged white male. Keeps to himself. Has little to no regard for authority. No real sense of remorse. I see myself starting to fit a profile. Am I a evil? I dont know. Maybe the fact that I have to ask this means I am. Then again, maybe me asking this means that evil can be overcome. Is it the thoughts that make a man evil, or his actions. Only time will tell.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Nov 2013 07:22:18 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015