What matters is not achieving big goals, escaping the rat race, gaining fame and popularity, making a mark in history. These are the ideas forced upon me by a society sick with competition. I feel like a greyhound running around the track chasing the lure race after race. Sometimes I feel like I am getting close, but once I finally get there the prize has already moved, whether its something within me that has changed or something else outside of my control. What is the point? What am I racing towards? The dream of extravagant wealth and the leisure time to do whatever I please in life? Do I really believe that I can actually get there? or that if I do I will actually be able to enjoy it? I dont believe in it anymore. It doesnt exist. The dream of the wealthy and powerful is an illusion, and I have chased it for too long. The dream of endless travel, festivals, stages, adoring fans, money, power, proof of my greatness, not having to work a job anymore. The dream of the rockstar, the dream of the self made company man, the dream of the brilliant inventor. My ego keeps barking at me to run... Dont let them pass you! Youll be sad if they get it but you dont. You arent doing as well as the rest of them, they are going to get there first! It will be so great when you have it, just run a little more, you have to keep running or youll never make it. I have been running like a dog... running until I am sick and tired of running... sick, tired, drained, frustrated, depressed. I give up. I give up the chase. Im going to do something entirely different. Its going to start with the realization that I have an amazing life. Im going to base the rest of my life on the foundation that I dont need to change anything. That I dont need one more piece of gear to be happy, I dont need one more connection, I dont need a better job, more money, more time, I dont need to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I have absolutely everything that I need. And the only thing that I want to do is slow down and enjoy it. The only thing that matters to me is that I have a community to share all of this overflowing abundance with. I want to spend time with family, with my lover, with the people who make me feel loved, welcomed, received. The only thing that has ever mattered has been feeling connected this entire time, and here I was thinking I had somewhere to get before I could be happy when happiness kept trying to get ahold of me to hang out. I repurpose my own existence for the sake of creating community. Not for creating wealth or fame/recognition, but for the sake of creating an extended family. This will be the new singular driving purpose behind my existence. Not a lifestyle of leisure, but a family of cohesion. Maybe I can make the world a better place for the people around me and surround myself with happy people. Maybe we can all slow down together. And Im not saying that its time to give up making art, playing music, inventing things, gaining skills. But its the reason behind all of those things that has to change. It will never again be so that I can manifest the impossible magical dream... it has to be from now on simply because they are enjoyable things to do. Art and creativity are for creating and strengthening community, not for rising above it. When did it all get so twisted with ambition? This isnt my best piece of writing... I could probably say this 10x better and more concisely if I revised it and tried to say it all again tomorrow. But you know what? Im just going to put it out there. The world doesnt need more perfect prose, it needs more moments of heartfelt honesty. Thanks for reading.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 07:50:07 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015