What world do I live in? My heart flooded with joy watching our sweet Katheryn play tennis with her sister this week. As I watched her, my mind was swept back in time to the week before her diagnosis. She played tennis the week before she was diagnosed with brain cancer. And now she was back playing again. It was exhilarating to see her little muscles working hard again, for her legs to be carrying her cross court, for her arms to move, for her tiny hands to grip the racket, and for her to actually hit a ball. Just amazing! Praise God that once again He illuminated His Word and I heard the Spirit say to me the night after watching Katheryn play tennis, “Ann Marie…Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. Never fear…I have overcome the world.” Oh my goodness how my heart just raced and I almost fell over as my knees buckled beneath me when I heard those words. I can remember a huge smile coming over my face as I shook my head back and forth almost in unbelief that I had heard the Truth so clearly. I went to the Scriptures to find the passage where that is spoken in the Word. It is in 1 John 4 starting in verse 4. It says, “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them (speaking of false prophets), because He who is in you is greater than he that is in the world.” Wow! Later in verse 6 he says, “We are of God.” So why did the Lord give me that Scripture as I was pondering over watching sweet Katheryn’s tennis balls flying across the courts? My heart and mind have been fixated on what lies ahead for us next week. Our family just returned from a precious rejuvenating time together enjoying God’s beaches and crystal clear waters of the Gulf. While there I can remember telling my sweet mom, “Mom…I wish so much that all Katheryn’s treatments were over. I so wish she could just be a sweet little girl and regain all her strength and all her health back. I wish it were over.” I said that as I watched our sweet one bathe in the richness of life without treatments. We were able to take her off ALL medication for nausea-a true miracle for this sweet girl. She was running in the sands, catching crabs, diving in the waters, kayaking…just enjoying the sweet life God has blessed her with. And what stares me in the face in the near future is a 2-night, 3-day chemo treatment once again next week. And so I sigh. These days my heart is full of racing emotions, which seem to race back and forth from one world to another. The best way I can explain it is to imagine standing at the edge of a break in the earth’s crust- or a deep crevasse. At that steep precipice you find yourself keeping one foot solid where you are standing, and then swinging the other leg hard and fast to the other side to reach solid ground. Now, your body straddles the depth of the crevasse but you feel no fear. Your feet are on solid ground on both sides, yet now you cannot find a way to swing one leg back to the other to stand on just one side. You stay straddled now forever standing on two different sides with the crevasse below. I stand with one foot in the physical world and one foot in the spiritual world. I want SO desperately to swing both feet to be completely immersed into the spiritual- mind, body, soul and spirit. Yet, I hear a voice say loud and clear to me, “It is not time. You are to stay in the physical still until I call you home.” So, I choose to stay in this physical world knowing full well that I am 100% completely spiritual on the inside living in a shell that God created me to indwell until I meet Him face to face one day. My eternity is now and started the moment I breathed life into this world. Praise the Lord I have chosen to believe in Jesus and will live with Him. We all have a choice to make with who and what we put our faith! I have complete peace knowing that- I can face the near future of another 2-night 3-day treatment. “Greater is He who is in me” is what I choose to believe. I will walk hand in hand with my Savior, and we together, will hold Katheryn’s hand as we press forward in this physical world. I can help my sweet princess Katheryn while I walk the hard and uneasy path with her into a world of unknowns again- a world of pain and counterfeit fears. I praise the Lord for today’s life here in physical reality. I get to live in this physical world- for even though it is filled with such hard and grueling moments, joy abounds. In the midst of difficulty there is laughter, and there are sweet and precious and wonderful moments where we have seen precious life abound! Peace that our Savior gives us when we choose to believe is not a come and pass through the night peace. It is constant. Real. Everlasting. Breathing life into each and every moment of the days we walk in this physical world. This is the peace on which I can stand; the peace upon which I can straddle the crevasse of two different worlds.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Sep 2014 00:47:42 +0000
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