When I first became sober I was told I needed to find “a God of my own understanding”. I was convinced that I was unforgiveable and terrified of the Old Testament God who sat in judgment and sent the disobedient to a burning hell. In the rooms of recovery I heard that some people used the idea of Good Orderly Direction or Group Of Drunks as a stand in for their Higher Power. Someone in the rooms of recovery suggested that God could be a Verb instead of a pronoun – a force – an energy that we could tap into (as in I am godding...) and not a respecter of persons which manipulated the events of our lives. Wow. God as a verb - God with a small g - that helped me become more willing to tune in to god as an impartial frequency. I decided that I liked the idea of God with a personality, a God that I could talk to and have a relationship with. My God would have to be like George Burns in the movie “Oh God” – loving, generous, funny, gentle, fluent in Yiddish with impeccable comic timing, fun loving. adorable and loveable. I told my sponsor about my idea of God as George Burns and he bought me a George Burns bobblehead. He suggested that I use my new George Burns bobblehead as an icon – a point of focus during meditation and prayer. My sponsor suggested that I place it on the windowsill (southern exposure) of my studio with a pillow on the floor in front of the window. I asked what the pillow was for – he laughed and said that the pillow was to kneel on – that I should always be on my knees to humble myself when praying. So without fail - each and every day in the morning and at night I would get on my knees on that pillow and talk to “ the George of my understanding”. I quickly discovered that daily action to establish a God awareness and a mere desire to find God and turn my life and my will over to a power greater than myself was sufficient to bring about a major shift in my consciousness which resulted in astonishing transformations in the circumstances of my life. Miracles began to manifest almost on a daily basis. So regularly did miracles occur what I began to expect miracles and even depend upon miracles to sustain my life moment to moment and I became completely dependent upon the God that I didnt understand. Today I still dont not have a God that I understand. I don’t understand it at all BUT I DO EXPERIENCE GOD - gentle, funny, healing, wise, loving, kind, benevolent, creative and powerful - working in, around and through my life. The spiritual part of the program is like the wet part of the ocean. It is impossible to live sober in the 12 Step way of life without getting some spiritual on you. Relax. Enjoy it. Let go. Allow and join us. It’s always high tide and the water of life feels wonderful. May you find it now.
Posted on: Sun, 13 Jul 2014 14:36:09 +0000