When I got out of prison a few years ago, I cared little about what people thought of me. As I have gained possessions and social status, that has changed. I do not write from my heart the way I used to because I am afraid of what people will think. I consider that a character flaw and I am going to try to get back to writing from my heart without worrying about how it makes me look. So here goes... After I wrote the thing about Charles Manson this morning, I was speaking to a very good friend of mine about it. She said, “Jeffrey, you are only single because you choose to be single.” And while she is correct, I also crave the intimacy that accompanies a monogamous relationship with a woman. I am in love with the idea of being in love. Is that a real thing? If it is not, it should be. To know, and be known. To respect, and be respected. To love and be loved. Wow! Just writing that scares the devil out of me. My friend says that I should open myself up to the possibility; but that makes me vulnerable and I do not like that. So I wait, praying that God will tap me on the shoulder some day and say, “That is her!” Then the adversary reminds me of my age and tells me that I am no longer young, that time is running out, and that if I want something I must make it happen (that is a trap!). But for those of us who are believers, and followers of Christ Jesus, eternity has already begun. Regardless of physical age on this journey through the temporal realm, we are forever young. And though it may seem as if I have been waiting a long time for God to introduce me to the woman for whom He is preparing me, it is a small thing in His grand plan for my life. He has far exceeded all of my expectations in every other area of my life. There is no rational reason why I should believe that He would not far exceed my hopes and dreams in companionship… in HIS time, not mine. That is what it comes down to, is it not? Am I content in the Lord’s provision? And, am I willing to wait for His time? My answer should be yes; but, it is not always a “yes”. Sometimes, my answer is selfish and full of self-pity, “what about me Lord?” “When is it my turn?” God forbid. I am blessed beyond compare. All too often I focus on what I do not have, rather than what I do have. For shame, please forgive me. I heard something yesterday in a commercial that struck me, one guy said to another guy, “There are people that want to be you… do you?” My answer to that question is, “Yes”. Lord, mold me into the man you want me to be; and, put it in my heart to want to be that man, in You! I will wait for Your time.
Posted on: Thu, 20 Nov 2014 05:31:10 +0000
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