When I got thrown into the political spotlight last year, it was completely unexpected and a whirlwind. I was excited for the attention, but also scared and overwhelmed. There was a lot of media, then traveling and so many great opportunities. In the midst of all of this, I lost myself. I’ve admitted this over the last few months and people know I’ve went through a personal struggle. I never went into details. It is time for me to tell my story to my fans, and my haters, as I would like to continue to be an open book, a friend, a human, and honest with people who listen to my words every day. I’ve been married since I was barely 20, most of that marriage was in the army life. With deployment, kids, career changes, etc. we’ve had our ups and downs, like most couples. In the overwhelming mess of the political spotlight and trying to find myself and where I belong, I actually completely lost myself. I lost my faith in my marriage, I lost my faith in this life that not only I’ve chosen for myself, but a life that I promote. Happy military wife with kids and church and happy, happy, happy. False. My life crumbled. My marriage crumbled. I lost my faith in God. I didn’t know where I was going to go next or what I was going to do. For a very short period in the middle of that, I actually believed my marriage was over and found someone else. Day after day, actually week after week, throughout the late fall, I found myself just trying to figure out what I needed to do to make myself happy and to get my life back on track. I have suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life, only recently telling my family about it, but after being at my lowest, my darkest, and literally about to end it all, my daughter started laughing. My sweet, angelic baby girl toddled into the room while I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and she was squealing with delight. Right then and there I knew I needed to get off my butt and get on my knees. My daughter, along with God, saved my life. I regained my ability to pray after a few long nights of my husband squeezing me tight and helping me realize that we are a team, we are best friends, we are partners, and no matter how lost we’ve been in the past, we can survive anything. I am a fighter, my husband is a fighter, and with a renewed commitment to each other and to God, I decided right there and then that my marriage wasn’t the problem, God wasn’t the problem, my hate mail wasn’t the problem…the problem was me getting so caught up in this brand new life and completely forgetting where I came from and who I was. I know this story is going to generate a lot of disappointment, a lot of lost friends and supporters, but thankfully our friends and family already know everything and have for some time. I need to tell my story. I need you to know who I am and I want you to hear it from me. It’s going to be a long time before a lot of people in my real life can fully trust me again. I’m sure that’s only natural, but we are all working through this together and though it has been difficult. I can tell you that I don’t regret what has happened. I don’t regret it because it took me getting as low as I did to fully wake up and realize just how much I need to put God back first in my life, my husband second, then my kids, followed by everyone and everything else. I’ve never been closer to God and I’ve never been more committed to being the person I want to be and know I need to be.
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 04:49:38 +0000
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