When I lived in Los Angeles, one of my favorite things to do was to hit Venice Beach on the weekend and watch the circus of people who frequented the boardwalk. If you have never been to Venice you might not know that the boardwalk is actually a paved pedestrian walkway that spans a mile or more. Every Saturday and Sunday, the edges of the walkway are full of street performers and vendors and activists all competing for your attention or your dollar. One of my favorite regulars on the boardwalk was a guy who set up a table to give “free advice.” Yep… he had a sign as big as life letting people know that he was there to give free advice. Not surprisingly, every time I walked past him, there was someone sitting there looking for their share of “here’s what you should do.” Perhaps it is a by-product of my upbringing or perhaps it is because I have been around the block a couple of times but I rarely find myself in a position where I need someone to tell me what to do. In fact, most of the time when people try and direct my behavior, I end up resenting them for it and boldly do what I had always intended to do. Don’t get me wrong, there sure are times when I am at a loss for how to proceed but I am fortunate to have a couple of trusted friends and an amazing life coach who will readily engage me in conversation. The important thing about these conversations is that they are never directive. In other words, I might be asked a series of questions that will lead me down a path upon which I can discover my own solutions but I am never offered advice (free or otherwise) about how to proceed. If you find yourself in a relationship with folks who are eager to relinquish control of their decision making, steer clear of falling into the trap of playing the game. Remember that just like you, most people are capable of directing their own lives. Learn how to gently ask the kind of questions that can lead people back to who they are. Empower them, not by giving them “free advice” but rather by challenging them to come up with their own solutions and solve their own problems. Even if you can clearly see the course of action you think they should follow, resist the temptation to don your superwoman or superman cape to swoop in and save the day. Remember the more we can empower others to direct their own lives, the more energy we have to focus on unfolding into the amazing beings that we are. And so it is.
Posted on: Tue, 08 Oct 2013 08:34:12 +0000
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