When I was 21 I had a severe case of acne, mostly covering a lot of my face. It was really painful to look at myself in the mirror. I was angry at myself, so every opportunity I found, I hit the bastards hard pressing my two fingers until they asked for forgiveness. Not good. The worst days were Fridays. Why? Because it was weekend time and young people normally go out and have fun, hang out with the girls, go clubbing et al. Not me, I suffered In silence. Alone. I didnt have a girlfriend, which to me at that time sounded like an OBVIOUS thing, having acne and having a girlfriend didnt go together in the same sentence. I wish I could show you a picture of me at that harsh time of my life. I kept none, it was way too painful for me to watch. After visiting hundreds of dermatologists, and trying everything in the book to get cured, it was just time that healed it, with no visible damage to my face. In psychology terms, I was auto-sabotaging myself.Instead of going partying like everyone else my age, I was watching TV, or reading. I was confining myself to isolation, to suffering, to a painful life. I couldnt face a girl, even if she started talking to me first! That was really painful. I really hated what I saw in the mirror. Getting in an elevator was trauma for me, you cant run away from mirrors. As Im writing this Im shaking my head no, no, no like crazy. Really sad, and true. Why am I telling you this? Because I discovered a fascinating thing that might help you out. What I didnt understand at that time was that it wasnt just the passing of time that did the trick for me (no treatment showed real results.) But it was me going thru an intense emotional process of finding who I was, and what I wanted out of life. And discovering (a big aha moment) that I was applying severe punishment on myself. Because deep down I felt I deeply believed I didnt deserve to be happy, to do what I loved. It was really when I accepted myself, and my limitations, that things started to look better. I had to look better in my own internal mirror, to see a reflection of that in the outer world. I had to accept I had lots of limitations, but I dont have to let them stop me from being happy and enjoying my life, despite my limitations. Many times we auto-sabotage ourselves. And we cant allow that to continue happening to us anymore. The acne I suffered a long time ago could take many different shapes and forms. Hopefully youre not suffering as I did. But in case you see something in your life that really makes you suffer, please check the emotional reasons why they could still be holding you, as a prisoner. Dig into your past, think, have a moment to yourself and try to find the real reasons that might hide underneath the visible things, like my acne. Theyre just a representation of what we feel inside. Trust you already have the answer, and youll have it. I was really hesitant to share one of the darkest times of my life (I have quite a few more) with you. But I believe the teachings of my personal suffering can help you. Thats the whole spirit of sharing my story with you. How would you feel if you were living the life you always wanted? Let me tell you, it feels GREAT! Maybe you need to take care of self-sabotaging yourself by not allowing you to achieve your dreams. If theres anything I could do to help, just let me know. Have an Inspowered day!
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 06:28:16 +0000
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