When I was a kid growing up my step-dad would always say well shes up to no good or wants something Patty she called me dad lol and usually the only time I did is when I was buttering him up. Haha. It just didnt feel natural calling him dad when I have a dad, but my dad knew how I felt about Henry. He was my dad since dad wasnt around until we were teenagers. After I dropped the kids off at moms I went to the cemetery with my lunch and visited like Ive done every year since he left us and I talked to him because it always eases my heart some. While talking to him I called him dad and remembered what he always said and just sat and thought he was right I always did when I was up to no good or wanted something because again today I wanted something from him. I wanted the pain I feel everyday to be gone and the guilt I feel for being such a bad teenager to ease. I want Mary and Micheal to not have to grow up without him. I want him here with us to tell us hes proud and mostly I want Haley to have her papaw back. She was closer to him then anyone was. She loved that man like Noone could ever love. Even after mom and Henry divorced he was still there for us and didnt have to be..he included us in everything and never missed holidays or birthdays or anything important or unimportant. When he remarried he just gave us something extra to love and grow with more tolerance for. Theres never been any resentment toward Mary and Micheal. We have always loved them and Cathy too. I know none of the things I want can ever happen, but we all want things we cant have. I cant help but feel I should have been a better daughter and even though before he left the only thing he wanted was to tell me he was sorry for being so hard on me, and all I wanted was to say I was sorry. Mom always tried to assure me he understood every word I was saying that day as I stood by his hospital bed and we all said our goodbyes but it still eats me alive. My step family never liked me except for my grandma Mary and papaw Eugene and I blamed them for a long time on why I felt like I didnt get to say what I wanted to say but eventually I realized I had no one to blame for not saying what I needed to say than myself. He was who mattered not any of them (dont take offense you guys cause Im glad you all have something to do with me now even if its just Facebook)..hes in a better place now but hey Im selfish just like everyone else and didnt want him to go. Sorry for the long long post, but moms plan backfired and being alone with my thoughts is NEVER a good thing. RIH Henry. You are still loved and missed deeply!!
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 18:04:26 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015