When I woke up today I found that a little spider named Urelius had made its new home in my left eardrum. As I lay on my bed admiring the light coming through the windows he began to whisper to me, telling me stories of what his life once was. You see, Urelius wasnt your average spider. Oh no, he was the uberspider. He could see through glass and use one of his legs to stab a rusty butter knife really quickly between each of his other legs. Urelius called this game Knifey Knife. He also revealed to me that he is a master of disguise, and would often wear a fake mustache to fool unsuspecting flies into believing that he was simply a harmless merchant of second hand mustard jars. Urelius called this strategy his Mustachy Mustard Routine. After conferring these and other such facebook status worthy idea across to me, he greased himself up like a naked Scotsman and popped out of my ear. Urelius landed on the carpet with barely a whimper of a thud, then slowly turned to look back at me. His face was melting! And rising out of the thick goo that once held eight beautiful jade green eyes were a set of horns, red, raw, vicious horns, and then slowly a face, a handsome face but with some true streak of cruely and viciousness that seem centuries old, a vast crude sea of misery oil, horrors beyond comprehension, the very coming of Armageddon. Then he turned into a pistachio ice cream and told me to stop leaving my facebook logged in on my housemates computer coz the cooked cunt will start writing weird shit all over your wall.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 02:33:04 +0000
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