When Tomorrow Comes This afternoon was rough. I wont go into details but the gist of it was that in transferring Mom, I couldnt hold her upright as she started to go down and let me tell you, I was putting and using my whole body to support her. Shes not heavy either (shes 140) but I felt so bad as she was lying crooked on the floor in her tiny bathroom, unable to move her legs or push herself up. I grabbed my cell and called a caregiver and was very thankful when she returned the call five minutes later and said shed be right over. I stayed kneeling behind my mom, supporting her and thinking about--Im not even sure what. Just feeling, I suppose. I had opened her bathroom window to allow some fresh air in and as we were on the floor, both of us quiet, my Mothers head in my lap and my body supporting the rest of her, I heard the wind pick up and start to blow. Wind is my absolute favorite element and I always get a joyful in-my-blood good feeling no matter what the circumstances are around me. I cocked my head, stroked my mothers head gently and felt not so quite alone. After the caregiver came and we both got her up and she had a bed bath and she was safe again, I went out onto the porch and when no one was around, closed my eyes and allowed my fear to be felt. A couple of tears escaped-it had been really scary for me, honestly-but thats okay. Thoughts tried to crowd in re: the future but I refused to give them the time of day. NOW is all I live in, have for oh, so many years now ...but even more so now. And this way of thinking works for me. I refused to be anywhere but in the moment as its easy to predict doom and gloom. I refuse to feed it. Before I left, my Mom was sitting comfortably back in her recliner with a smile on her face and her favorite orange Sherpa throw tucked in with her. She and Dad decided to eat dinner on the porch and we set them up with each of them having their own tray and table. Everything was back in place once more and I left feeling okay, drained but okay, knowing that this day was going to end all right...and tomorrow, well, I will handle tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 00:25:26 +0000
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