When a woman found out she was pregnant, her five year old son overheard some of her private conversations with his dad. When a family friend asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby, he replied, Yes ! And I know what were going to name it too. If its a girl were going to call her Grace, and if its another boy were going to call it quits ! A guest at a hotel restaurant called over the head waiter one morning and said, I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that its runny, the other so overcooked that its about as easy to eat as rubber. Also grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold, burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife, butter straight from the deep freeze thats impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm. Thats a complicated order sir, said the bewildered waiter. It might be a bit difficult. The guest replied, But thats exactly what you gave me yesterday. The Speaker at a womens club was lecturing on marriage and asked the audience how many of them wanted to mother their husbands. One member in the back row raised her hand. You want to mother your husband ? the speaker asked. Mother ? the woman echoed. I thought you said smother. A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads : Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770 - 1827. Then he realises that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyards caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. Oh, its nothing unusual says the caretaker. Hes just decomposing ! I have got that dreaded furniture disease. Furniture disease ?? Yes, my chest is falling into my drawers ! A cement mixer collided with a prison van today on the highway, police are on the lookout for 6 hardened criminals. I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the wife. Filthy, dirty, covered in cobwebs..... but shes good with the kids.
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:33:40 +0000
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