When anyone gets angry, please remember that anger is an icing - TopicsExpress

When anyone gets angry, please remember that anger is an icing emotion — it is a defence against more uncomfortable feelings inside (the cake) like vulnerability, sadness, fear, and hurt. If you can help your child shift back into the deeper feeling, the tantrum likely wont happen. Try using more empathy like this, You wish you had triangle toast. You are mad at Mommy. If your child is in the cake, tears will flow. Gordon Neufeld, PhD calls this getting to futility. Your child has realized that the toast is not going to be cut into squares and connects with how sad he is that his preference didnt happen. That is why it is so important to not try to fix your childs tantrum once it starts. Getting to futility is an important skill. This is where acceptance grows. If we prevent our child from reaching that point where he just will not get what he wants, he wont learn how to accept struggles and move forward.

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