When confirming his decision to honour the Prince of Edinburgh with an Australian knighthood, Prime Minister Tony Abbott conceded he didnt consult colleagues before his announcement. If given the chance, what might ministers have advised the Prime Minister around the cabinet table? PM: Its great to be Australian. How do you like the table? Joe Hockey: Its round! PM: Exactly. Just like you used to be, Joe. Now, now, dont sulk. Of course its round. Think classical British history. Knights of the...Sorry, Julie. Anyway, talking of knights. Scott Morrison: Oh, Tony, you shouldnt have, but Ill accept any honour you might wish to bestow. PM: Ha ha, good one, Scott. I already made you an admiral until you ran out of boats. No. Im going to knight Phil. Chorus: Phil who? PM: His royal highness. Cabinet members: (long silence. Sounds of indrawn breath) Julie Bishop: Youre such a jester Tony. PM: No, fair dinkum. Blow for multiculturalism. Phil the Greek, by way of the Mother Country, crown on our fair shores. That sort of thing. Should be able to sell it big on the foreign circuit. What are you doing back here, anyway? Malcolm Turnbull: Hes not Greek. More Russian, actually. And the round table was a legend, not classical history. PM: You looking for a shirt-fronting, Malcolm? Mathias Cormann: Philips wife is practically German. And shes got the crown. Eric Abetz: And whats wrong with that? PM: Shes a majestic English rose! Just like me. Anyway, were off subject. Australias gonna have a Duke for a Sir, and thats that. Turnbull: May as well make Fergie a Dame! Warren Truss: Ah, the Fergie, wonderful machine. Could pull stumps out of a swamp all day long. Deceptively strong little thing. Bishop: WARREN!!!! Ian Macfarlane: Hes talking about the tractor. They were around in the old days when we used to make things in Australia. PM: Exactly. Traction. Thats what were after. Weve scraped the barnacles off the hull and were gonna make it gleam and cut through the waves. A knight for a new day. Turnbull (whispering behind hand): Hes finally blown a gasket. Bishop (also muttering behind hand): Flipped his wig. Hockey: Knew it ever since he made me Treasurer. PM (leaping on the table, brandishing his dubbing sword): I heard that! Take their names, Peta! Their names! Peta Credlin: There there, Prime Minister. Heres a pill. Turnbull, Bishop and Hockey (in unison): Better make it one of those special ones they gave Kevin.
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 00:07:20 +0000
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