When depression claims you as its soul-mate, you are forever bedfellows. It is the ultimate seduction. When you are feeling well—it is still there. Little whispers in your ear, “Hello my love, I’m glad you are happy today, I’ll check back with you tomorrow—in fact, I think I’ll check back with you in an hour.” This is depression. It knows no bias. It loves all—no matter your culture or socioeconomic position. It knows you, and it has your number. Some of us are on its speed-dial. I decided to start sharing my experience with depression in 2010 when I went back to college. Depression has been a part of my family ever since I can remember. It has claimed the life of two people that I loved dearly. One via suicide and one by sucking the joy of existence from another family member who lived the majority of her life lying on a couch curled in a fetal position. This is depression. Depression is also the vampire that feeds on people that appear happy and content. I believe that these people are depression’s most favorite victims. Depression is the voice that is always there, threatening to get you, to take you—and when it has you by the throat, you feel your life-force being drained from you. It hisses at you, “How would you like it? Slow and painful—or quick?” With the tragic loss of Robin Williams, it is another reminder of how very real this disease is. It reminds me that I need to continue to speak about it, and that by finding my voice and using it—it just may help another. I believe the very best thing that will come of William’s passing is that the taboo of depression will be busted forever. I know I don’t have to spell it out, but I will … It doesn’t matter how humorous you are. How rich and famous you are. It doesn’t matter how many millions of lives you have touched and made laugh. It doesn’t matter that you possess a shear genius of comedy. It doesn’t matter if you are gifted with being a white male. It doesn’t matter because this is depression. Like any disease, depression requires treatment—daily treatment. This treatment is very different for every victim, and this is specifically why it goes untreated. Depression is as individual as you and me. For me specifically, I have just recently emerged from the most serious bout of dark depression that I have ever suffered in my entire 43 years. The treatment I chose was to allow myself to find ways to find my voice against my abuser. My friends here have shared this journey with me. I have shared my story here on these pages. Finding the courage to tell my story has been most cathartic—in fact I have never felt better in my life. There has been a major regret by sharing my story. I have unintentionally hurt someone that I love profoundly. While I have never named names, a person recognized himself in my writings. Although I suffered great emotional abuse from this person, I still love him dearly. I know he suffers from similar demons and I pray that he find peace on his journey—as I am finding peace on mine. This is depression. Just as you find peace within yourself, depression finds a way to remind you that it is still very much a part of your life. If it must rob you of a friendship that you cherished deeply—it will most gladly rip it away from you. Imagine an image of your heart being ripped out of your chest by a cheerfully sinister demon. This is depression. William’s death breaks my heart. I adored his ability to make me smile and make me cry. For us latchkey Gen X’ers, Williams raised us via television and movies. What we will always most remember him by is the side-splitting laughter that he gifted to us. The most important thing that I take away from this is unfortunately a grim reminder. If depression had Robin Williams on speed-dial—the rest of us in the phone book better take heed. It is our duty to become vigilant and rise up together. Together we can battle depression. We must find our voices and not fear retribution. We must break the taboo. Hopefully the next time depression tries to call—it will be the wrong number. #RIP #RobinWilliams —Take a moment to ask someone, even a complete stranger … Ask them #RUOK? You might just save a life. #loveeachother #truthislove
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:21:27 +0000
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