When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else. ~ David Brin PRIVACY For partners to feel safely open with each other, its crucial to clarify standards of privacy between the both of them and between them and the outside world. For perceived privacy violations can trigger anger and hurt as one partner feels the other has trampled his or her boundaries and values. Is it permissible to read each others letters and emails, to listen to phone messages, to scroll through call logs and text messages? An invasion of privacy, such as snooping around for information that hasnt been willingly shared, can destroy trust. We all have an inner spy that can stoop to surreptitious means to satisfy idle curiosity or, more commonly, to allay nagging doubt. Distrust and fear can provoke many to act outside their usual integrity. But breaking boundaries in order to feel safe can have the opposite effect on a relationship. On the other hand, if we maintain open communication we can trust in that process to correct any wrongs in our relationship, and resist being tempted to ferret out hidden information. Of course, if one partner breaks the commitment, s/he might reasonably surrender some privacy in order to rebuild trust, perhaps providing access to electronic devices and communications for a time. Respecting privacy involves more than possessions or words. Its also valuing the sacredness of each persons emotions and inner processes, which s/he may or may not choose to reveal. Similarly, we cant assume the right to air unsolicited opinion and unwanted advice. We often embark on critical dissection of mates, children, family or friends without consideration of their privacy--their personhood. Reflect on how often in your life unflattering information has been publicized rather than kept private, and the resulting hurt. Learn to draw, and respect, the line between healthy, agreed-upon levels of transparency and disrespectful display. DAILY HEALTH ACTS What were the standards of privacy in your family of origin? How does that programming inform your current relational attitudes? Today notice how you protect your own personal privacy and that of others. Where do you need to relax boundaries? Where might you reinforce them? Find the healthy balance between controlling your reputation and compulsive disclosure. How does your private experience of the world manifest in your public persona? Can you share your private world, and would you want to? ~CHS
Posted on: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 14:23:09 +0000
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