When my abuser hit or threaten me. I made sure I kept a paper trail on him. I let people that I thought I could trust know what was going on in the house. I tried to leave my abuser and when I did he became so much more violent. He would really put his hands on me. We did high speed chases on the Main I and all. My abuser is a victim of growing up in a house hold of domestic violence and he just became an abuser. I believe this abuser gets a high on the power and fear that he put in my life. He was so controlling and it all happened so fast. When he dirty deeds came to surface I was rewarded with expensive gifts and trips. I didnt love him for the things that he gave me. I loved him because I wanted to believe that this man was gonna change and love me the way I loved him. Its a myth and fairy tale they make you believe. I talked and reached out to several people and I only had one really good friend and sister at the time that really listened to me at the time. Most people I went to I know believe just didnt care or didnt want to get involve. I could have been kilt. I didnt want anyone or still dont want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just wanted someone to listen and to be there when I needed them. I know that everyone has there own life to live but my really good friend listened and my sister always made time for me to just vent and didnt judge me. She never ever put me down. Till this day she never says that I was weak or dumb. She knew that I loved this abuser so much and was wanting him to change. I was warned by the first woman that Ive come to find out was also abused by my abuser. This man was so good a hiding the fact that he does have a problem. I was so embarrassed and hurt by the fact that I was going through this again. I didnt think this would happen to me again. I didnt know that my abuser seems to be so heartless and cold. He made out like our marriage was so much of my fault that he wold do these things to me. That was so not the case. He has to seek the help for himself. I just dont want any woman that is either going through it now or has gone through it think that youre less than a woman. I loved hard and I got hurt. Now to make me a better person and to understand why I become associated with these type of men I have to work on me. I have more faith in me now than I have ever had. I can testified that abuser make you have low self esteem. They make you believe that its all your fault that theyre not nice to you or beating you. My abuser said that I always made him argue. Thats so not the case. He would come in early in the morning yelling and cursing. My abuser said that he never ever cursed till he meet me and thats always not true. This abuser is full of so much hate. He is a child of seeing his mother abused. He grew up around abuse and I dont have a clue what made him think this type of treatment is okay. I dont but will continue to promote safety and I dont feel sorry for me. I no longer will be his victim. I was told by him that he will always rule my life. Not true. Im here for anyone that wants to talk or share there story. I will never give up on this cause. Im gonna make a difference and Its not just a one person fight. Im speaking for all that are either embarrassed or afraid to speak. My faith is God is so strong that Im no longer scared of my abuser. I let him know that each time I speak to him or hear from him. Im no longer a victim. Im a survivor!!!!
Posted on: Sun, 17 Nov 2013 15:40:51 +0000
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