When someone rubs you the wrong way or theres something you just cant stand about someone... Slow down and take a look at yourself. What bothers you so bad about that person may actual be something you see in them that you dont like about yourself. If you are judging someone without reason and have no merit behind that judgement... Its not their problem, its yours. I have found that when I get angry at someone and stop to think about where that anger is coming from, it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with something Im not happy about from within. Stop looking for the wrong in others, look at your wrongs and right them. If you are doing the right thing for the right reasons and doing the best you can, your conscience will be clear and you will feel your anger diminish with time. I have always hidden behind jokes and a false sense of pride. That false sense of pride and those awful jokes have caused me to lose people I care for and most importantly caused me to lose myself. Ive said this before on this public format and Ill say it again... People, no one in particular tend to present themselves to the world on Facebook as the person they want to be. I am guilty at times myself and have posted these grandiose pictures and post that made me seem important... Im not. Im a 32 year old man with no career and no clear direction that due to my own insecure thoughts and immature behavior have almost lost the most important person in my life. Some of you know me, most of you do not. Those few that know me know the life I have endured and the struggles I have created for myself. I have always carried myself in a manner so that you could not find a weakness and made you believe that my confidence could not be touched. Well, thats bullshit. Today, I sit here on my break at work humbled and disappointed in myself for letting the most amazing person I have ever met down. I have tried from every angel to blame this person for all that has gone wrong to distract attention away from my fear of failure and fear of losing them. I can not express how thankful I am that they called me out and without a grain of sugar to coat the words being said... Said exactly what I needed to hear and made me stop and take a look at myself. As I looked in the mirror when I got to work this morning, I accepted those words for what they were, the truth. As painful as they were to hear, Ive never felt so liberated than I do today... It feels pretty damn good to know you have a lot to learn and you do not know it all. Im making myself over from the inside out and it starts today. God, walk with me... I may need a little help. This post was long, boring and unnecessary but it felt pretty damn get to get off my chest. I no longer have to carry that burden, that weight... Ive given this burden to the people with judgements that enjoy gossip, the people who have not yet faced the fact they are full of shit and those that get pleasure from others pain. Enjoy, it is no longer my pain, it is now your pleasure.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Sep 2014 21:55:50 +0000
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