While I was listening to Sarasvati and Body Love by Mary Lambert, (which you guys should listen to, theyre incredibly powerful lyrics) I sat on the bathroom floor, around three in the morning, and just was appalled at how disgusting sadness is. Its exhausting trying to understand it, and trying to wrap my head around it, and its sickening and debilitating but in its own way, its beautiful. And so, I tried conveying that in this poem yesterday, before I went to sleep. “For want of (lists)” heat tears darkness cold rain something physical that reminds me I still feel things, that I’m not numb. reasons for why people care about affections why they find the need to define what something is, when really it’s just fingers grasping shoulder blades, foreheads tucked under chins, silent, careful moments of breathing versus a nod on the sidewalk, another stale coffee made by a barista that doesn’t care it tastes like liquid cardboard. reasons for why I need to keep breathing, but like how satisfying it is to hold my breath, to close my eyes. reasons as to why a heart has to beat, and if it beats faster, is it because emotion is a lie, or because their heart is failing? why can’t a heart resemble a bird? I want to touch the outlines of a cloud, and not just feel air. I want to scream and trace hallways of leaves, bury myself in a garden, alone, mended, chilled to the core and securely packed deep where people can’t find me.
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 00:32:46 +0000
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