Who Dey??!! Before I start on my week 3 wrap up and rant, I need to make a correction. In my two minute warning article I made blatant error. I’m surprised none of you sharp-as-a-marble owners picked up on it and let your league analyst have it good. So I will do it for you. In my dissertation on the misery that was Wicked Lester in the two minute warning story (sorry bud, you had it coming), I referred to Trent Richarson’s new colors as burnt orange and crap brown. Yeah that sh!t aint right at all. Trent’s new colors are white and blue. Not blue like the bruises Lester is sporting, but the blue of the Indy Colts. Same blue that used to make all of us New Inglandiz sick. That same blue once adorned by the newly revived Peyton Manning. More on that in a bit. So, my error is pointed out and fixed. We won’t have any more of that. Move along lookie-loo’s, nothing to see here. Now. Who Dey? Week three was a week of bizarre scoring leaders. Oh sure, there were some usual studs atop the scoring list but let me run down a few of the oddities that broke into the top ten list of scorers. Geno Smith (2), Jake Locker (5), Ben Rapistberger (7), Brian Hoyer (8) and Terrelle Pryor (10) all beat out usual fantasy studs Tony Romo, Matt Ryan, Tom Brady, RGIII and Discout Daable Check at QB. Brees, Peyton and Newton being the only usual suspects to finish week 3 in the top 5. Bizarre. Joique Bell in Detroit (4), Johnathan Franklin of Green Bay (5), Ahmad Bradshaw (6) in Indy with the corrected Trent Richardson in town, Jason Snelling (8) spelling a wounded Steven Jackson in Atlanta, Bilal Powell (9) for those annoying Jets and Giovani Bernard (10) with the Bungles placed higher than Adrian Peterson, Darren McFadden, Ronnie Hillman, Doug Martin, Alfred Morris, Frank Gore, Chris Johnson and yes, even the Beast, Marshawn Lynch. Bizarre. Also a kick in the teeth for teams that snagged Hillman or Starks from waivers or started their prime RB’s only to see the backups outperform . Guys like Fred Jackson, Johnathan Franklin, Bilal Powell. Bizarre. Santonio Holmes (2 – and also un-owned), Denarius Moore (4), Stephen Hill (5), Bradnon LaFell (9) all outperformed the likes of Welker, Julio Jones, AJ Green, Dez Bryant, Brandon Marshall, Andre Johnson and many others at WR. And really? Scott Chandler, Zach Miller, Gavin Escober, Luke Wilson and Joseph Fauria in the top 10 at TE? Who are these guys? And which owner will be duped into making a hasty add/drop as a result of a one week wonder? My money is on Underpants. So who dey? Dey are duh the lucky ones that escaped with a victory on Monday night during another Bronco’s beatdown. What Would Chickens Do could not get the running game going strong enough to overtake M&M’s despite 14.5 from Run DMc. Mabel had the lead going into the final 2 minutes and managed to win by 13.4 thanks to 9.4 from Demaryius Thomas. Even without Thomas, WWCD wouldn’t have had the plate of wings that are now ice cold sitting in the solidified fat of the deep fryer. WWCD remains winless at 0-3 while M&M’s gets back above .500 to 2-1. Underpants Ninja must have fudged his undies a few times as Peyton connected with Eric Decker over and over again. Underpants was out of time outs and no one in the lineup so he could only sit and watch as the Bronco’s offense marched up and down the field. Eric Decker needed 30.6 to get the win for iNFidel. Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. If Decker had broken away from that one tackle and scored on the 61 yard play, game over. Decker tallied 20.3 in the loss for iNFidel. Sorry to hear about both of your losses this week iNFidel. Ninja soars to 3-0 and iNFidel falls to 1-2. And the final game that should have ended much differently, Pleepleus moves to 3-0 with a 20 point win over Freakin Puerto Rican. This game was one man against the world as a lone Peyton Manning took the field for Pleep and outscored Knowshon Moreno, Julius Thomas, Matt Prater and the Bronco’s D. Fortunately for Pleep, the yards to Moreno and Thomas as well as the TD to Thomas essentially cancelled out the points. Fortunately, Manning spread the ball to 6 other receivers. Fortunately for the monkey, Ronnie Hillman took some carries away from Moreno. Fortunately for good burps, Manning had another career night breaking yet another NFL record – 12 TD’s in three games, and remaining perfectly interception-free. FPR has to be sick. Probably went to bed thinking this one was in the bag. Hell, FPR was only trailing by ONE point! Anyone would think 4 against one was an unfair fight. Monkeys don’t fight fair. They throw their own poop. Next in line for a poop bath is Bird Nerd. Week 4 starts the first week of bye weeks as Green Bay and Carolina rest up. Bye weeks usually throw a twist into the season and the true drafting talent of owners with bye week management, or mismanagement, is often exposed. With all of the bizarre heroes in week three, many 0-3 owners may take a long second look at their bench depth, or lack thereof, and take a shot with back-ups. Week Four matchups have Pleepleus projected to out-poo Bird Nerd by 22. Neither team has to make a bye week adjustment this week. The Real iNFidel with their current line-up and losers of two straight is projected to be slighted by 0.30 points to WWCD. Order up! Neither team has a current bye week player in their starting lineup. East Coast Criminals faces off against M&M’s in a battle of league top RB’s. At last glance, ECR looks to beat MM by 31.8. MM who is the only team not projected to break 100 this week. Sounds like my golf game. ECR will have to bench Jordy Nelson while Greg Olsen rests up for Mabel. The 3-0 Ninja takes on Freakin Puerto Rican who just may set a lineup strictly out of anger. FPR will also not have Randall Cobb this week. Tidy Whitey was set to win by 36 but seems to be messing with his lineup currently, no doubt just to mess with my article. And finally, Sloppy Sofa will battle this week’s whipping boy, Wicked Lester who may face yet another whipping. Lester is a 40 point underdog at the latest line. Lester could be in for more of a whoopin’ as Rodgers and Finley both head to bye week. Good luck to all in week 4. See you with a new story over the weekend and see you on Sunday.
Posted on: Wed, 25 Sep 2013 14:51:54 +0000
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