Who should say sorry. first. I was stretched out in the chaise lounge in my living room on a cheery Saturday afternoon reading one of my cherished historical romance novels hoping by some miracle that my fiance will cut short his three weeks journey and come rushing back home so I can try some of my newly acquired romantic skills on him. I was lost in my reverie and sat up startled when Tito walked in with shoulders slumped, hair slung back in an unruly knot I assumed to be ponytail, wearing a gown I know she wouldnt be caught dead in. She had this forlorn look in her eyes and I could spot the bags beneath her eyes. Something was terribly wrong and I assumed the worst.She looked for all the world like she had just lost someone and my heart raced at the thought. I pulled her beside me on the lounge and asked if anything was wrong. She was really trying to hold her tears as she said Lucas started seeing another person yesterday then understanding dawned on me ; Tito and Lucas had been in a simmering hot 2 years relationship and they had been the cynosure and envy of everyone until four months ago when it abruptly ended. It was supposed to have been one of their usual silly squabble about Lucas changing his phone security code without informing her and Tito arguing about why she should go through his phone. At first it had seemed like a joke and started with them ignoring each other for the rest of the day,one waiting for the other to apologize. Lucas believed he had a right to some privacy of his own and he would have told her eventually if she had not made an issue out of it while Tito believed he was hiding something and shouldnt have changed his password. But then it blew out of proportion as days added up to weeks and weeks summed up to months, they managed to dig out each others past offences , perhaps a million reason why the other should apologize first and shut each other out thus drifting apart more and more. It wouldnt take even a stranger a second look to know they were miserable without each other but then they let their stubbornness put a huge dent in their relationship. While waiting to let Tito catch her breath and cool off a bit, Ada pinged to report herself and boo and how she cant remember what happened but can jolly well decide and insist she deserved an apology from her man. Whats wrong with everyone and the self-righteousness anyway? I am guilty of this as well but little do we know that we all have our excesses and acknowledging our imperfection should make us sensible enough never to expect perfection from others. Well, I proceeded to give Tito what I assumed to be an advice that would salvage her broken relationship. 6 months is however too long to stay incommunicado with her spouse. It doesnt just hurt each partner but severes the bond they share and might as well bring about a total loss of the relationship. Yes Ill call them partners because relationship is a two way thing that requires the agreement of both parties to avail each other of their individual time, emotion, feeling, share privacy and life. Often times in our relationships, we let irrelevances get in the way and find ourselves slipping away from our spouse. One of such irrelevances is who says sorry first. Well discover that a great number of us is guilty of this if not all. Sometimes, situation arise that compel us to utter statements or take actions that hurt our partners which would have been totally eschewed with the simple word sorry which we stubbornly decide not to utter because each party is under the illusion that he/she is the wronged one and deserves the apology. At the end, we cant even recollect the how and why of the argument but then the ugly words have been spat out which of course is taken to heart and quickly becomes the new bone of contention. Have you ever taken a moment to consider that your partner feels wronged as you do and also deserve an apology? Its called consideration or what I will like to call Empathy which a lot of us are sadly lacking. Moreover, if sorry would save some more scenes and stop the bitter hurtful phrases, why not say it and avoid the after pain? Saying sorry would in no way demean you neither would it translate to you being guilty of the fracas. Rather, it shows you are not trying to pass off blame, you are taking full responsibility of your actions, you care about the other person and do not want to hurt Him/ her. The singular act of saying sorry shows your maturity,sensitivity as well as consideration for others. Ordinarily, sorry is just a five letter word but it has the power to make or mar your relationship. We need to realise it doesnt matter who first utters the word rather the importance of uttering the word. On several occasions, after one of those quarrels, we come up with reasons why we shouldnt be the one to say sorry instead of a million reasons why we should. It could be due to pride, the idea of Im right and he is wrong or Shes being insensitive or I said sorry the last time, hell take me for a fool at other times, you even know you are wrong but think the other person doesnt deserve an apology. The next few days after the situation, you hardly talk to each other but constantly check your phones for messages or calls missed from the one person you are not in talking terms with. We need to get just one point here the word has to be said regardless of who says it first or when and preferable as soon as the offence is committed. If Tito had taken it upon herself to apologise or Lucas had made attempts too instead of making movies out of their whole situation, a stranger would not have come encroaching and they would have built their relationship on a stronger platform but they passed off blames and dwelled on Im not wrong, I cant be the one who says sorry, he offended me too, shell take me for granted. The idea of sorry does not just apply to relationship only. It applies to every aspect of human life ; family, relationship ,communication, friendship, career, social, work amongst others. Maybe if one of them had said sorry, your uncle and father will still be communicating thereby saving their immediate families from the awkward position of deciding to join the family feud or not, maybe if one of them had said sorry, Sholas aunt wouldnt have cancelled her wedding plans, maybe if your parents had learnt early in their marriage to say sorry,they would still be together , maybe if one of them had said sorry, Tobes boss wouldnt have terminated his appointment out of anger, maybe if one of you had said sorry, your younger brothers arm wont be in a sling, maybe if one of them had said sorry, Uche and Funmi wouldnt have lost a treasured friendship, maybe if one of them had said sorry, Tito and Lucas would not have lost their wonderful relationship. We can say sorry in different ways. While a kind gesture can express a million sorrys at once, why dont you go out and buy your little sister her favourite Barbie doll? Why dont you take your wife out on a surprise date? Why dont you buy your fiancee a cake with Im sorry written on it? Why dont you pull your husband into a hug and shut him up with a kiss? Why dont you buy your boyfriend a pack of undies in his favourite colour? Why dont you call or send a sorry message to that sister of yours that you do not want to forgive? Why dont you cook her favourite meal and take it to girlfriends house? Why dont you call up his favourite on air radio show and have them apologise on your behalf?? You can as well do it the simple way, just say I am sorry. Two wrongs has never been known to make a right and will definitely never be known to make one so tell someone you are sorry today. If you are thinking along the lines of apologising to someone already, kudos!!! a penny for your thought. FREE to SHARE ***************** Theres no safety outside of God. Send your Press Release/Articles to: [email protected] Advertise your product with us: [email protected]
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 10:52:13 +0000
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