Why Conflict? In most relationships, and even during engagement couples will argue or disagree about things. But often they are so caught up in the whirlwind of romance and wedding plans that they really don’t experience much conflict. So they’re surprised when the storm inevitably sweeps into their relationship. While conflict is inevitable, one of the greatest values of courtship and engagement is the opportunity to develop your ability to understand how to resolve conflict. Ive come to love and appreciate conflict in my marriage because it provides opportunity for my wife and I to grow closer together! What you are as an unmarried person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down—that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him or her off. Conflict is not necessary a “bad word.” The purpose of conflict is to reveal to us what’s most valuable in the relationship. Yet, we have placed no value in conflict. We do not regard conflict as having any value and, therefore, we seek to avoid conflict at all costs. Usually, conflict is about silencing, making ineffective, demoting, and removing the person because their problems hinder us from being right. Therefore, conflict is the subject at hand simply because: what is it that keeps us from being one? Conflict. Whatever form the conflict is, whatever basis the disagreement, the bottom line in one catch word: conflict. In marriage, it’s common for both individuals to react to conflict in different ways. Here are the four most common reactions: I am going to fight you until I win: This is the “I win, you lose” or “I’m right, you’re wrong” position. You seek to dominate the other person; personal relationships take second place to the need to triumph. Okay, I’m going to withdraw: You seek to avoid discomfort at all costs, saying, “I’m uncomfortable, so I’ll get out.” You see no hope of resolving the conflict, or you lack the strength to confront it. So you cope by giving your mate the silent treatment. I Yield: You assume it is far better to go along with the other person’s demands than to risk a confrontation. Rather than start another argument, you say, “Whatever you want is fine.” To you, a safe feeling is more important than a close relationship. Or, lovingly resolve: You commit to resolving the conflict by taking steps to carefully and sensitively discuss the issue. Resolving a conflict requires a special attitude—one of humility, of placing the relationship at a higher priority than the conflict itself. You value your relationship more than winning or losing, escaping or feeling comfortable. With three of these styles, you actually create as many problems as you solve. Fighting to win, withdrawing or yielding may allow you to deal temporarily with the conflict at hand, but you haven’t really dealt with the emotions the conflict sparked—the hurt, the resentment and the anger. Only when you seek to confront each other in a loving way will you resolve a conflict. I would like to discuss how we can confront each other in a loving way that will resolve conflict in a future post, blessings!
Posted on: Sun, 09 Mar 2014 07:10:58 +0000
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