Why do people seem to think Depression is just something to get over? Its not that simple. Its a sickness, not a feeling. Its not Oh, Im upset.. Its complete hopelessness. Youre not upset. Youre destroyed. Youre ambitions, your excitement, your very essence of joy is drained from you. The hardest part is that you dont even wanna feel happy. You dont want to feel anything. All the worst things about yourself come to you in maximum, leaving you to hate and detest this horrid creature you see yourself as. All of your most painful memories are reanimated in your mind, the happy ones are dead. You struggle to eat, sleep, or even communicate. Then people get tired of being around you. They want the happy you and cant handle the hurting. So you start to fake it. Crack jokes, smile, pretend youre this other side of you that feels dead. And its like wearing a fake skin. But they do it just so they can be loved by the people they care about. It gets to the point when you dont know how to tell someone youre hurting. You lock it up, and refuse to let the world see you. It becomes a monster inside of you. You become a lie. Every time you smile, you feel a strange cringe in your chest, every laugh feels like suffocation. Your friends are there, but they are not with you, because they are too busy staring at this flashy act youve put on for them. Suddenly your life is a strange mix of doubt and paranoia, wondering if people dont like you, or if youre good enough for anything or anyone. Every wisp of confidence get drowned out by mental voices screaming at you. Youre worthless. Annoying. Youre trash. Why would anyone love you? I mean, why should they? Youre a complete waste of time. Your life has no happily ever after. The fact that youre even breathing is a mistake lasted too long. You start to grow tired of it all. You dont want to smile, but you dont want to cry. You dont want to be around anyone, but you dont want to be alone. This struggling confusion of misery eats you up inside. And the worst part is that you have nobody. Not because no one would help, but because you are too afraid of being pushed aside. So you spend your time in the dark fighting these demons, and at some point you start to contemplate just giving in. You just want it to go away. You just want the pain to stop. Everything else has failed, and it seems like death is your only way to numb it. This is the kind of pain that killed not only Robin Williams, but millions of people. People who just wanted to feel something other than pain. Still think its just something to get over? If youre friends struggle with this, they need you more than you know. They need someone to show them that they are more then what they think. Show them they are loved. Treasured. Needed. Show them they are beautiful or handsome. Help them see that they deserve to be here. Nobody should have to fight this kind of pain alone. Nobody.
Posted on: Mon, 01 Sep 2014 16:53:29 +0000
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