Why do women resent men, you ask? _ Men dont realize that when they ask for support, a woman will say yes even if the score is uneven. If they can support their man, they will. The concept of keeping score is not on her mind. Men have to be careful not to ask for too much. If she feels she is giving more than she is getting, after a while she will resent that you do not offer to support her more. Men mistakenly assume that as long as she says yes to his needs and requests, she is receiving equally what she wants. He mistakenly assumes the score is even when it isnt. I remember taking my wife to the movies about once a week for the first two years of our marriage. One day she became furious with me and said, We always do what you want to do. We never do what I want to do. I was genuinely surprised. I thought that as long as she said yes and continued to say yes that she was equally happy with the situation. I thought she liked the movies as much as I did. Occasionally she would suggest to me that the opera was in town or that she would like to go to the symphony. When we drove by the local playhouse, she would make a remark like, That looks like fun, lets see that play. But then later in the week I would say, Lets go to this movie, its got a great review. And she would happily say, OK. Mistakenly, I got the message that she was as happy as I was about going to the movies. In truth she was happy to be with me, the movie was OK, but what SHE wanted was to go to the local cultural events. That is why she kept mentioning them to me. But because she kept saying yes to the movies, I had no idea that she was sacrificing her wants to make me happy. This insight has practical applications for both men and women: For Men: Remember that if she says yes to your requests, it doesnt mean the score is even. The score may be twenty to zero in her mind and she will still happily say, Sure Ill pick up your clothes at the cleaners. or OK, Ill make that call for you. Agreeing to doing what you want doesnt mean that it is what she wants. Ask her what she wants to do. Collect information about what she likes, and then offer to take her to those places. For Women: Remember that if you immediately say yes to a mans requests, he gets the idea that he has given more or that the score is at least even. If you are giving more and getting less, stop saying yes to his requests. Instead, in a graceful way, begin asking him to do more for you. John Gray
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 15:39:09 +0000
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