Why is it that this is what I feel like when I watch the two opposing news channels? FROM BMM NEWS – BREAKING NEWS – Coyote Perfect Hair, Native American reporting There has been an epidemic rise in BMSS (Bowel Movement Stress Syndrome). This stress is leading to CBMT (Complete Body Muscle Tightening) while experiencing BMSS resulting in CPDF (Cardio Pulmonary Dysfunctional Failure). Scientific studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between Global Warming and BMSS. It is believed that the melting of the polar ice caps, caused by MMGW (Man Made Global Warming induced by Greedy American Corporations) has led to the rise in the oceans reducing the size of the land mass and proportionally reducing the amount of fresh drinking water. This reduction in drinking water has led to FSE (Firmer Stool Expulsions). The effort of flexing every muscle in your body to nurse the overly firm crap out your posterior becomes BMT (Body Muscle Tightening). As the human body tightens all the muscles the heart contracts and fails as in CPDF (Cardio Pulmonary Dysfunctional Failure). And let me take this moment to remind you that tonight at 10 we will look at how carbon emissions is destroying the polar ice caps. We will focus on how these WMDS (White Males Driving SUV’s) is a result of the inequality of pay as these males earn more money than their female and minority counterparts and thus can afford SUV’s. The MCF (Male Carbon Footprint) from these SUV’s is facilitating the melting of the ice caps and the homeless polar bears have been falling into the rising oceans. The massive amount of swimming polar bears caused by MMGW (Man Made Global Warming)ocean rise has posed a threat to the boatloads of poor illegal immigrant children (now called migrants) as they do not have the ability to navigate around the bears. Watch at 10 for videos that will leave you heartbroken. Now, back to our lead story - Early signs that a lack of water may lead to BMSS (Bowel Movement Stress Syndrome) can be found when you are sitting on the bowl and straining every muscle to pass your magnum turd as in FSE (Firmer Stool Expulsions). When you squeeze it off if the few centimeters it drops results in a splash that wets the well rounded pillows of flesh it split, then you have just dropped an FSE (Firmer Stool Expulsion), and may experience BMT (Body Muscle Tightening) resulting in CPDF (Cardio Pulmonary Dysfunctional Failure). Another early sign can be found when you start your muscle squeeze and it continues until you are close to passing out from the strain, or PAME (Premature Anal Muscle Exhaustion). If the result of PAME is one long log of excrement that is so firm it lodges itself in bottom of the bowl at an angle that will not allow it to disappear, no matter how many times you flush, then you are experiencing an early symptom of BMSS (Bowel Movement Stress Syndrome) due to FSE (Firmer Stool Expulsions) So do your part and lobby now to stop MMGW (Man Made Global Warming)to save your fresh water supply so that you may avoid FSE leading to BMT progressing to BMSS resulting in CPDF. And finally, as an additional reminder stay tuned at 9PM when in an exclusive round table discussion we will address the issue of how the rising oceans, resulting from man-made global warming, will affect the ongoing search for Malaysian Flight 277. You don’t want to miss this riveting discussion. One channel over on MINX News….. Minx news reporting at 8PM…. Jill McSmiley reporting. We will be back right after the break to discuss the Liberal Paranoia surrounding Global Warming. With brand new facts that show Global Warming Scientists are completely wrong, and are trying to program your thought process on this imaginary problem. Join our panel of MINX appointed specialists that will drill into the scientists that call the wasteland ice regions of our planet ‘CAPS’. MINX’s panel will discuss how CAPS are what is worn on the top, not the bottom. It has been determined that many far Left Scientists will purposely use the term CAPS to discuss both the North and the South poles. Now, any reasonable person knows that CAPS are not worn on both the top and bottom. We will hear from two professional ex-athletes that will add their personal experiences to the discussion proving that the North Pole is ok to be called a CAP, but the South Pole should obviously be called a CUP. And in no way are we belittling the problem of shrinkage in the CAP or especially shrinkage in the CUP, but the Left Wing scientists want to use the term CAPS to subliminally induce viewers into thinking that the parts of you under the CAP, mainly your brain, is shrinking. And as you know, MINX followers do not have brain shrinkage. Our followers, you viewers, cannot have their brains shrunk anymore. The panel will discuss how the current Administration is behind this devious plot. Adam L. from the Birthers Research Foundation, Susan P. from the Watching Russia From My Porch observation Committee, and Professor Simi Van Simi from the ‘IHM’ (Is he Muslim) Conference committee are MINX contributors all. Remember, We Retort and You Deride!
Posted on: Wed, 16 Jul 2014 14:11:31 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015