With christmas and the new year coming up I wanted to get something of my chest. You have all been there for me on my emotional rollercoaster ride that just never seemed to end. And I wanted to send my deepest gratitude to those who have tried to ease my pain and my sincere apologies to those I have driven crazy :) I have given so much and left my mark on so many as well as taken so very much and let so many down. Its not in my nature to deliberately hurt or disappoint others. But I have done it. And I hope who ever I did wrong is able to forgive me. The worst it hurts to have let down people I love. It bothers me to have done that. Ptsd is something I have lived with for so long. So did my husband and our boys. Neither of us was ever educated on this. The both of us have done eachother wrong in so many ways. And Im so sorry. But to my excuse, how would you know how to deal with this if no one ever points it out or offers help. I never had roots, never felt I belong until I met him. It was by my own choice that I felt I dont belong. I grewn up wild never wanted to belong never wanted to be told. And there was nobody strong enough to hold me otherwise. So many in my life tried their all to put me on the ( for them seemingly ) right track. I was so much work and caused so much pain. And Im going down the memory lane with my head down in shame. Still a grin on my face about all the fun memories I pass also. Its only me, just one person like everyone else. You cant know every right answer. Neither of us can look in the future. We make mistakes as we go. Its called life, a never ending journey of happenings. But what we can do is reflect on everyone we pass and even if we done wrong, at least apologize if we cant fix what we did. I wish you all to be loved and cared for to find happiness and be able to hold on to it for the coming year and every that follows. My love and gratitude to everyone I met. Peace to everyone. Marry christmas and a happy new year.
Posted on: Tue, 19 Nov 2013 23:35:21 +0000
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