With the burgeoning Star Wars franchise sure to give us (ideally less boring) sequels, Im trying to imagine how the news would have covered the events in Star Wars... The latest Imperial bond issue went over poorly in the markets as the entire galaxy asked why the Empire needed a Death Star instead of investing in crumbling interstellar infrastructure. Senate oversight committees had previously cited safety problems and poor shielding, but the distribution of lucrative contracts across 50 systems appears to have swayed key swing votes. ... Imperial spokesmen refused to answer questions about the projected stormtrooper pension deficit beyond stating that His Imperial Majestys offhand comment at the Kessel Run half-time show that none of them would live to see retirement was taken out of context. ... The board of HuttCorp approved a hefty hike in executive compensation, noting that investor confidence in the new broadly advertised punitive management practices for dumping cargo had led to improved workplace efficiency. ... The latest episode of Rebellion Roolz: The Princess Diary was broadcast in full on Imperial Tri-V after Galactic Anonymous hacked the network. Fans were treated to updates on Princess Leias decision to not date Wedge Antilles, citing his limited career prospects while asking if they could just be friends. ... In an entirely unrelated development, wholesale slaughter later that same day struck Imperial Tri-V corporate headquarters, leaving 15 dead; a suspect had been described as two meters tall, masked, asthmatic, and wearing black, but police have described the mayhem as a workplace team-building exercise gone terribly wrong.
Posted on: Sat, 29 Nov 2014 00:38:19 +0000
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