With the recent revelation that more people who WERENT born in Texas live in Texas than people who were born in Texas (GASP!! NO!! It CANT be true!!), I thought, I would deliver a list of Texas seasons for the newcomers and what dates you may expect them. Ill start with Spring. Start date: January 23. End date: February 15 A freak snowstorm, a once in a lifetime event, will keep a foot of snow on the ground for a week. The snowstorm cannot be attributed to winter, which is long past. Instead, the snow is a direct result of the Polar Niña, a corrupt offspring of The New Ice Age and shifting Polar Caps. But it is not winter.(see below) Summer: Start date: February 16 End date: May 3 High Summer Start date: May 4 End date: June 28 I should point out that at some point between Week Two and Week Three in June, there will be a Massive Flood in either Houston or San Antonio. Work done by government employees in Washington DC will grind to a halt. This has absolutely nothing to do with the flood. Excruciating Summer Start Date: June 29 End date: August 2 Record numbers of Air Conditioning Repairmen are admitted to the hospital for stress and exhaustion. Seven out of state Texans seek treatment for burns on the bottom of their feet, received when they tried to walk from their back doors to the car in the driveway. Water conservation is recommended at this time. Hotter than Hell (NOT summer) Start date: August 3 End date: No one has ever figured this out. At least four little boys will be treated for heat exposure, received when they try to fry an egg on the sidewalk. One television reporter will also burn himself trying to perform the same experiment on a rival reporters car. The police will respond to the vandalism report in the fall. Scientists are still working on a method of harnessing the heat power of this season to use as a substitute for oil. Excruciating Summer II Start date: Sometime in early September End date: October 25 Indian Summer Start date: October 26 End date: November 12 Fall Start date: November 14 End date: November 14 Indian Summer II Start date: November 15 End date: November 29 Summer Start date: November 30 End date: December 23 Post Fall Pre Winter (Yes, this is a season) Start date: December 24 End date: December 25 Pre winter Start date: December 26 End date: January 5 Winter Start date: January 6 End date January 6 Post Winter Start date: January 7 End date: January 16 Pre Spring Start date: January 17 End date: January 22 I hope this creates any confusion you might not have had. For questions, I refer you to Michael Tucker for scientific answers and Stuart Cabler for made up answers. For investigations or whatnot I refer you to Denise Balsam Tutor. For shear nonsense, ask Krixten Hawley. Thank you.
Posted on: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 19:07:24 +0000
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