Woke up with this on my mind... felt like sharing: As a performer / entertainer ( I feel silly labeling myself as such, but technically thats what I do) my entire existence and livelihood depends on people coming out to watch me play. If no one was interested in watching and listening to me do what I do then the rent wouldnt get paid... thats just a fact of life. During my participation in several music competitions over the last few years the point of interacting with the audience has come up over and over again as a vital part of the performance, and while I understand and appreciate the concept its not always a natural interaction for me. If youve seen me play in the last few years you might have noticed I have a tendency to do things like stand sideways on stage, close my eyes frequently, and for the most part damn near ignore the audience. Nothing against you at all, I LOVE that youre there, I NEED you to be there, and I can never put into words how much I appreciate those that come out to listen to me make music with people I care about and respect. That being said I have to be honest: when Im completely immersed in the moment and the music I often, to a point, FORGET that youre there. When I look up between songs and see you looking back at me there are times where it almost startles me. Im not sure if this is the evolution of a coping mechanism that allows me to focus completely on what Im doing without being distracted by the self consciousness and doubt that has plagued me for most of my life but when Im up there doing my awkward looking truffle shuffle and making faces its the equivalent of pulling up next to someone at a stoplight and watching them rock out to a song on the radio, oblivious to the world around them. Once the music starts its like theres a bubble over the stage and I lose track of everything going on outside of that. Its blissful... no thoughts in my mind, no distractions of life, not even a conscious decision making process as far as the notes Im playing... just action and reaction on an instinctual level and the enjoyment that comes from participating in the act of playing live music. There are times where it almost feels like Im watching myself play from an outside perspective... Im just there as an observer and my hands are calling all the shots ( I dont always agree with the choices they make, but I try to stay out of the way, lol). Its not like that every time, but those moments are precious to me and the older I get and more seasoned I become theyre more and more frequent. That results in more and more time spent on stage in my own little world, not being actively aware that there are people watching me. Anyways.... The reason I felt like sharing this is because I know its a horribly unprofessional habit that Ive developed and I wanted to let anyone interested know that Im not ignoring you because I dont care that youre there (that couldnt be further from the truth). Im ignoring you because I dont think I could give you the best that Im capable of if I was constantly reminding myself everyone is looking and Im supposed to be looking back :) Ill try to do better
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 15:31:35 +0000
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