Words to a friend ... thus, to myself: Remember when you first met? And you loved what you saw in the other? And you loved seeing yourself through the others eyes? When you were wide-open, and receptive, and excited-enraptured-enthralled ... when you wanted to en-tangle, and enmesh, and marinate in each other? Some people say, believe, and teach, that thats the honeymoon ... that its unreal ... that youre on your best behavior ... that youre wearing a mask. I call bullshit on that theory. Thats when you were both MOST-real ... thats when you saw each other, and yourself, through the real-eyes of Love. Thats when you let down your defenses, your guardedness, your fears, your conditioning, and you bared your souls to each other, and dared to get raw and vulnerable ... when you were MOST-you. Its just that Life has a way of triggering our fears, and snagging our past-pains, and ripping open our old wounds ... and we then begin, subtly at first, to blame the one most-intimate with us ... the one whos the closest ... the one who knows us deeply ... the one who mirrors our messy-unsavorinesses back to us ... the one were afraid could most-hurt us ... the one who really *could* most-hurt us. The one who, in their own moment of self-protection could lash out, and even seem to betray us. And we put on that rusty armor again ... piece by piece ... in an attempt to guard that heart. Only ... self-protection shuts us down ... and hurts us more than vulnerability ever could. People shouldnt have to change who they *are* to be in relationship ... but while love is unconditional, relationships are conditional - they require nurturing, time-investment, soul-baring, honesty, and sanctity. IOW, we often have to look at habits/presumptions/conditioning that we learned in the past, that may not be serving us ... things that we defend, that could be causing harm. Ways of relating that need to be questioned, or altered, so that we can better-relate to another. This has nothing to do with WHO we are, at core ... weve all just learned defensive/self-protective/safe-guarding behaviors/attitudes that can get in the way of our heart-connections. Its not about happily ever after yknow ... its about soul-contracts, and souls purpose, and finding someone you love enough to get through the really painful parts with ... someone who can undo you as well as they can do you ... someone you can love enough, and trust enough, to allow them to be your beloved enemy at times. Someone you can still see through love-colored glasses ... even when youve hurt each other. And that is the exquisite agony of being a human in love.
Posted on: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 23:25:00 +0000
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