Wounds of the Past: There are so many ways to share what we really are with the people we love. With me, it is my ability to transcribe on paper, I reveal myself. It is through the development of stories I show people that are so important to me how much I like them; how much I admire; how I sometimes envy. Most people believe that it is simple and easy to reach out to others and share with them what it really is. It does is nothing, quite the contrary. It is a test that can be tricky, source of intense suffering and melancholy. I have reported several times in some of my writings, I am someone skinned alive. Historically, I have regularly been abused, mocked, insulted, rejected, abused. Since my childhood, I have found only one refuge in this merciless torment of loneliness and creation. It is for this reason that I and gradually developed an insatiable desire to learn, to understand, to go beyond the appearances of this newspaper which made me so hard. And since then the National Library there a few years ago where I found my way to the editors of daily texts today, I have never ceased to discover new knowledge, and to taste the flavor they propagate. In recent decades, I have had to travel tens of thousands of books of all kinds, if not more. At one time even, I read up to three books in one day: the first, on the place of my work - the Library of the Arsenal - when my schedule allowed me the opportunity. I must admit that my superiors, having realized my ability to study, as a researcher who came regularly to visit their establishment, let me easily possible. The second, I studied in one of the main buildings of the National Library after leaving the place where I was employed; I was staying up the night, and sometimes much later. After all, nobody expected me home; no friends or girlfriend will appreciate to come see me. To the people I hung around during this period, they preferred to use my apartment to get together regularly; but when I tried timidly to add me to their group and to participate with them in other occupations, they deviated me irreparably. I was informed from time to time later they went clubbing in bars, parties were organized without me. I learned that they had often met young women with whom they had sometimes slept during trips in the capital. So in these circumstances, why go home hoping that one of them wants to contact me to contribute to their outputs. Obviously, I dreamed that one thing is that one of them wants me good call to tell me to join them. But it never happened. It is for this reason that I was in no hurry to return to my home naked. The third book I devoured every day, this is my home it was. As is always the way, it was stored in my nightstand; I read every night after returning to my home, and before turning off my lamp and spend a night saving. Or the weekend, when I was not busy studying historical texts, mythological, legendary or occult, the Library of the Arsenal, I had borrowed. I will never regret this time in my life; because it is she who opened the doors of knowledge, and allowed me to follow the path of wisdom and knowledge that I am today. This road was included in my genes since my childhood, as I have already said. And if my entourage had not despised me as if I had not been repeatedly hurt, broken, humiliated, abused, I never would have taken. It was worth it worth to you, can you one question? I do not know really. Was it necessary for you I suffer so much pain and suffering to get there, to brighten the flame that has always lain dormant in me, and now totally engulfed my soul? There are so many ways to be, Im sure. There are so many ways to share with people you love that makes us what we really are. In my case, I was not asked my opinion; I did not really have a choice. For this perpetual disappointment of being left out, not having the right to show my true personality to the people I hung out - worse, from adolescence to young women that my feelings evolved - amplified my desire to take refuge in a world where no one could reach me. This deep wound - so deep that I still feel that this is a money pit constantly about to swallow me - has exacerbated this desire to prove me otherwise. To exist only through texts, poems, or novels that I conceived; I design. They have constantly served me an outlet for many moral and physical, ideals and emotional outbursts, which I have always faced. They have continued to escape from my Spirit with the words with which I was juggling. I have never ceased to describe in my fictitious or more personal works. Several times I have been naive enough to believe that one of my preferred readers, one of those with whom I have the greatest affinity momentarily, dig to try to discern what they conceal. But each time, for one reason or another, no matter in reality, it was quickly diverted texts I dédiais him; when I was just starting to offer him a place in my heart Reality. These words I write today are nothing compared to the fear of the time, and still overwhelms my innermost thoughts. They are written to describe this situation that requires me to be someone whose existence is to be fixed. While my dearest wish, my most extraordinary dream is to share everything I know, everything I am, with hundreds, thousands of people I meet here, there. While Id love to show them what I feel for them, is part of the vital substance of which I am made. Yet I feel that the tie that binds me to them dissolves a little more each day, and me further away from them. The hand that I hold so often in their direction, the brief dialogue that I share with them, allow me to escape this perpetual imprisonment within which I am locked since my childhood. But am worthless because they do not realize how much they matter to me; how their company touches me, moves me, quickens my heart and soul. To be totally honest, Id like as one of the young women in the beauty, personality, intelligence, almost unreal to me, hiding among them, has fueled his curiosity. She dares to cross this wall between us prepared. She greets me in his world, in the same way that they are welcome in mine. It is indeed abolishing borders that separate me from the latter which hopefully generate interest, I could really be me. Not only that, but also help me to go to all these other people that I like so much more to give. I am convinced that this is the only way that I will be strong enough to destroy the fear of the outside which I suffered for so many years. Dominique
Posted on: Sat, 08 Nov 2014 13:23:43 +0000
Trending Topics
© 2015