Wow!!!! :( :( :( I have so much to say but as I sit here on the side of the highway in the middle of the night just outside of kitchener, my already broken heart breaks a little more and I want to turn around go back into Kitchener and... well I have to leave my personal feelings and emotions out of this awareness walk! I am going to just say the very same, most profound message ever spoken to me by Sharon Nightengale, one of the most wonderful women that ever graced my life asked me in the parking lot of Williams Funeral Home at my late friend Brian Henrys funeral when she walked up with sheer pain, almost terror, and an ocean of tears in her eyes as she poked my chest repeatedly harder than I have ever been punched in the chest and shouted with a tone seemingly mixed with rage, anger, hurt,sorrow, sympathy, understanding, need, care, protection, and a lot of fu@cking love! She said Jace, I hope youre fu@king listening my son as she peered through my eyes almost vacantly while her gaze ripped my soul apart searching for my broken, blackened heart! When she found the blackened remains of what was once an attractive lustrous red healthy proverbial heart, she gathered all of the pieces of it and faster than I deliberately painted it black the moment before it shattered and crumbled, she mended it back to a state that was more brilliant than the moment I truly fell in love for the first time and almost as if feelings make a sound she amplified it to a degree that played a song that every artist hopes to write with a sound that would make high definition in stereo sound like static in surround sound! The very moment in which I was overwhelmed with that feeling of sheer elegant love she turned her back to me! For what felt like an eternity of eternities I stood frozen solid yet at the same time felt as though my legs were gone and my backbone had vanished leaving my entire being with a feeling of jelly. I watched as the incredibly hot wind tossed her already unkempt streaked blond hair to the side with two of my former female classmates on either side of her. She had only taken four or five steps before she seemed to stumble. One of the young ladies at her side noticed in time to catch her in time putting her arm under Sharons arm, the other young lady quickly followed suit. Once she regained her composure, straightened the black dress that suited the celebration of Brians young life, taken by the rough waters of Lake Erie while in a state of inebriation Sharon turned her head over her left shoulder, wiped the tears from her eyes, further smearing the mascara across her cheek indicative of a million diamonds falling from her exhausted, pale blue eyes, and whispered I love you my son at a volume that pierced my ear drums louder than a train wreck at a million decibels! The expression on her face was solemn yet filled with love and a concern only known by the off spring of a fawn when its mother heres the sound of a shotgun echoing through the forest on a foggy October day and feeling almost comparable to the moment in elementary school I first felt and was overcome by the love of God prompting me to decide pursuing the priesthood (before thongs in my life took a remarkable turn). I silently mouthed the words I love you too Flo, Im trying. I didnt have to see everything go blurry as my eyes filled with tears, my lips begin to pucker, my knees begin to shake... I felt it all just like I felt her finger pound into my chest! In an instant, my heart broke all over again, it seemed to fall well below my stomach, graze my knees, and bump my ankles before smashing violently into the scorching black pavement! I turned to my buddy Jeff with the intention of making a typical smart-ass McComb comment but, nothing came out! Jeff simply said, Ill be inside McComb. I went through the car port that the Hurst pulls in and out of, walked quickly to Elgin street looked both ways searching for Sharon. Part of me wanted to ask her who the fu@k do you think you are?, why do you keep doing this another part of me wanted to say help, ask how do I... how can I... Where do I... and who the fu@k am I these days, where did - go, and how do I get back to me?. But, Sharon was gone! I know I just went into a helluva lot more just now than many will likely see as necessary but, this served more than the purpose I set out to hopefully have it serve! I have been fu@king up my personal life on and off for a very long time! Part of the fu@k ups are not allowing anyone to know anything about Jason H. McComb but, from time to time allowing certain individuals insight into who I was at one time (pretty much all that the majority or people that claim to know me do know, which essentially means they know very little to nothing about me). Unfortunately almost every person that for whatever reason I decided to invite into my personal life has been the wrong one and wreaked more havoc on me than the wars of the last 25 years have on the world! Thus, leaving me a very cold, bitter, emotionally unavailable individual! A series of documentaries into the entire Jason H. McComb started being discussed this evening. It is going to be a long process of course but, hopefully will see light not long after the completion of Walking In The Free World! I need to end this post at that and copy and paste it as a note but before I do I want to say... I HOPE YOURE LISTENING!!! The prolific writings of what I need to do that, Sharon embedded in my vacant soul (yet longing for and missing my own occupancy) as she she drove her skinny pale white index finger into my upper left chest is still as loud in the darkest of my days and brightest of my most exhausted lonesome empty nights! Hear Sharon via me please! Were all needlessly suffering, we are all hurting each other and our selves, we are all hurting in some way, we are all one but, separated by many, I hope youre listening! We are all human beings dammit! We are all worthy for crying out loud! If we remove the almighty arrogance for just a moment and look at this world we will surely see that without arrogance there is no such thing as the poor class, the working class, the lower class, the middle class, the upper class, etc etc etc!!! EACH AND EVERY PERSON THAT IS ALIVE, WAS ALIVE, OR WILL BE BORN IS, HAS, WILL BE A PART OF EVERY CLASS OF PEOPLE!... In reality there are only two classes in this world and it has been that way since the first person died in the world! Those two classes are, the living class (everyone in this world that is alive), and the deceased class (those whom have passed away!). Thats it thats all! We are all human, we are all worthy, and despite the arrogance, greed, hate, and the likes that exists among us fact is... WE ARE ALL THE SAME! Jason H. McComb
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 06:40:20 +0000
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