Wow so I just got thrusted into overdrive by the grand finale for the week from Hell that included some very unexpected and painfull events involving my boyfriend anf kids. I dont need to go into detail. So I left home the other night. My boyfriend said he is going through some stuff and needed some space to breathe. I dont have a problem doing that. Well that was yesterday. Today after I noticed that he removed all the pictures of me and us from his FB page I called him to find out if everything was ok and he said no and we are breaking up (very heartbreaking). To top it off I not only lost my friend and the man I love but I lost my place to live. As I sit here at my friends trying to keep it together and figure out what to do part of me wants to curl up in the fetal position and cry kick and scream and ask why??? I think I am actually in shock. I am going to try and keep it together so I can try and cope, not easy at all. All I can say is there must be something pretty Amazing going to happen soon. I mean really? To lose my friend/love, two kids turned away from me, my placs to live, and the list goes on. All rigbt before Christmas. I have struggled with the holidays for 14 years since my loss of kids. I keep hope that it will get easier. I thought this year might be the first bright one. So much to be greatful for, included an active relationship with two of my four kids, a new exciting relationship with an Amazing man I believed was my Soulmate, a comfortable home I could feel welcome and safe in, my recovery and new found confidence and inner pease and strength, and finally a sence of belonging, and a feeling I havent felt in a long time until recently I am wanted and needed or like Im finally home, were I can let my guard down and Breathe. Well that was yesterday. I have something else I didnt have or wasnt aware of before, and that is a sence of hope and optomism to not let this chain of events crummble me and keep my focuss on whats possative and what I do have and try and continue to smile and help others. So I am going to say happy holidays. Whatever happens good or bad I have a choice how I let it affect me. Happy Happy Joy Joy. Im hungry.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 05:05:24 +0000
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