Wow, these Buddhists scholars are finding buried and hidden texts left and right! Recently discovered is the little know Diamond Rolex Sutra given by the Buddha after an especially precious gift was given to him by a wealthy disciple. Here is an excerpt from the text, soon to be available on Amazon and in a Kindle edition: Diamond Rolex Sutra Chapter 1. This is what I heard. At one time the Buddha was staying in the Ramada Inn, near the city of Sedona. With him there was a community of 1,250 venerable monks and devoted disciples, and several soccer moms in yoga pants. One day before dawn, the Buddha clothed himself, and along with his disciples took up his smart phone and entered the city to beg for food door to door, using the latest app to locate those with the best grub. After he had returned and eaten, he put away his bowl and cloak, plugged the smart phone into the charger, bathed his feet in mineral water from Starbucks, and then sat with his legs crossed and body upright upon the seat arranged for him. He began mindfully fixing his attention in front of himself, while many monks approached the Buddha, and showing great reverence, seated themselves around him, on their yoga mats, crossing their legs in the lotus position, pretending that it didn’t hurt like hell. Chapter 2. After a time a most venerable monk named Swami Prem Ma Ananda Dev Lakshmi Light-Being Blissful Orb, who was sitting in the congregation, rose from his seat slowly, as the blood returned to his legs like a million wasp stings. He uncovered his right shoulder, placed his right knee on the ground, and as he joined his palms together he respectfully bowed and then addressed the Buddha: Most Honored One, It is truly majestic how much knowledge and wisdom your monks and disciples and soccer moms in their yoga pants have been given through your most inspired teachings! It is remarkable that you look after our welfare so selflessly and so completely, on a sliding scale, with free scholarships for the totally downtrodden burnouts. Most Honored One, I have a question to ask you. If sons and daughters of good families want to develop the highest, most fulfilled and awakened mind, if they wish to attain the Highest Perfect Wisdom, what should they do to help quiet their drifting minds and help subdue their craving thoughts? Other than resting in awareness every 3 to 5 seconds, confronting their shadows, and questioning their beliefs? The Buddha then replied: So it is as you say, Swami Prem Ma Ananda Dev Lakshmi Light-Being Blissful Orb. Monks and disciples and soccer moms have been favored with the highest favor by the Buddha, the monks and disciples and soccer moms have been instructed with the highest instruction by the Buddha, the monks and disciples and soccer moms have benefitted from the best wifi connections for Skype at the ashram. The Buddha is constantly mindful of the welfare of his followers, especially those actually on welfare. Listen carefully with your full attention, without gazing at the asses of the soccer moms in yoga pants, and I will speak to your question. If sons and daughters of good families want to develop the highest, most fulfilled and awakened mind, if they wish to attain the Highest Perfect Wisdom and quiet their drifting minds while subduing their craving thoughts, then they should follow what I am about to say to you. And give in accordance to their means to my paypal account. Those who follow what I am about to say here will be able to subdue their discriminative thoughts and craving desires. If they give in accordance to their means to my paypal account. It is possible to attain perfect tranquility and clarity of mind by absorbing and dwelling on the teachings I am about to give. Assuming that they give in accordance to their means to my paypal account. Then the Buddha addressed the assembly. Chapter 3. All living beings, whether born from eggs, from the womb, from moisture, or spontaneously, in Temecula or Hoboken, in Sedona or Buffalo, in Asheville or Toledo; whether they have form or do not have form; whether they are aware or unaware, whether they are not aware or not unaware, whether they have trust funds or buy scratch-off tickets in hopes of hitting it big, all living beings will eventually be led by me to the final Nirvana, the final ending of the cycle of birth and death, the final satsang, the final book, and the final Mooji video. And when this unfathomable, infinite number of living beings have all been liberated, in truth not even a single being has actually been liberated. Not even Tony Parsons, who claims that he doesnt exist anyways. Why Swami Prem Ma Ananda Dev Lakshmi Light-Being Blissful Orb? Because if a disciple still clings to the arbitrary illusions of form or phenomena such as an ego, a personality, a self, a separate person, or a universal self existing eternally, then that person is not an authentic disciple. At least not until their paypal account has been verified and the balance cleared
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 16:30:09 +0000
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