Wow, this really describes it well. Inside the relationship with a narcissist: A narcissist is proud of being a narcissist, and sees nothing wrong with it at all! Theres no kind of relationship one can have with a narcissist other than a confusing, gut-wrenching, and addictive one. The troubling characteristics of the narcissist induce an abuse-prone relationship dynamic so skewed that the narcissist extends gestures of love and physical affection on his terms only, forcing his partner into an overall state of submission and insecurity. If youve ever experienced a close relationship with a narcissist or are in a relationship with one now, you know how insidious and overwhelming the process of loving a narcissist really is. One of the most frustrating effects of being closely tied to a narcissist—whether at work, in love, with a friend or even with a child—is that wrongs never get righted. Rules are broken and boundaries trespassed, but the narcissist will never take accountability for any of it. Narcissists cant allow the mere suggestion that they’re not perfect, which begs the question: Is their ego so inflated that they truly believe they’re perfect? In reality, its quite the opposite. The narcissistic clients I have seen over the years do have moments of insight and even wisdom. However, that part of the narcissist is not dominant. In fact, the moments of psychological healthiness and connectedness are super-fleeting, a mere understudy to the overweening self-absorption that defines the usual resting state for the narcissist. Its not that narcissists are evil, nasty people. (As a rule, I believe the term evil—even for sociopaths and especially pedophiles—is meaningless and simplistic, betraying the complexity that drives these conditions.) Instead, its that a narcissists true ego or sense of self is so incredibly fragile and insecure that they cannot tolerate any hint of criticism. They cant take accountability for any hurts or grave boundary-crossings because they aren’t internally sturdy enough to synthesize and integrate complex feelings. Hotchkiss (2003) discussed seven traits of narcissism, including entitlement, which is especially destructive to relationships. The narcissist is so averse to criticism and accountability because he sees the world through a lens of entitlement. The logic goes like this: You’re lucky to be with me, so youd better comply with what I want. Narcissists feel entitled to indulge any thought, feeling or whim they happen to have in a given moment, and automatic compliance from others is expected—even demanded. Should you challenge a narcissist or call her out on her bad behavior, you’ll instantly be confronted with narcissistic rage. Underneath the narcissistic exterior is a rage and disgust most people couldnt fathom. There are the occasional dark moments in which a narcissist lets in a little whisper that says, Somethings really wrong with you. This whisper can function as intrusively as an actual auditory hallucination for a full-blown schizophrenic. The reason? When the narcissist hears that whisper, it shakes his or her sense of order in the world and causes a massive panic. Its this panic that the narcissist works so hard to avoid. Having a daily relationship with a narcissist takes a lot of mental work: trying to figure out her motives or intentions; walking on eggshells when his mood shifts; blowing off negative or even nasty behavior to keep the peace. There’s never a dull moment in a relationship with a narcissist, which can be exciting in the beginning but ultimately feels draining and infuriating. psychologytoday/blog/insight-is-2020/201404/i-love-narcissist-now-what
Posted on: Tue, 02 Sep 2014 17:52:34 +0000
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