YOU KNOW YOURE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN....... #1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. #2. You get a speeding ticket even when youre parked. #3. You speed walk in your sleep. #4. You have a bumper sticker that says: Coffee drinkers are good in the sack. #5. You answer the door BEFORE people knock. #6. You havent blinked since the last BLOOD MOON lunar eclipse. #7. You just completed your 100th crochet pocketbook and your just learning to crochet ( wink, wink...Ce Faith ) . #8. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. #9. You sleep with your eyes open. #10. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. #11. The only time youre standing still is during an earthquake. #12. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. #13. You lick your coffeepot clean. #14. You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House. #15. Youre the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you dont even work there. #16. Youve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. #17. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. #18. You chew on other peoples fingernails. #19. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. #20. Your T-shirt says, Decaffeinated coffee is the devils brew!!! #21. Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. #22. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. #23. You can jump-start your car without cables. #24. Cocaine would be a downer for you! . #25. All your kids are named Joe. #26. You dont need a hammer to hammer in nails. #27. Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low or Splenda #28. You dont sweat, you percolate. #29. You buy milk by the barrel. #30. Youve worn out the handle on your favorite mug. #31. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. #32. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize its not plugged in. #33. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. #34. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down. #35. Youve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. #36. People get dizzy just watching you. #37. When you find a penny, you say, Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, Ill have a cup!!! #38. Youve worn the finish off your coffee table in a little circle just the size of your coffee cup! #39. The Tasters Choice couple wants to adopt you. #40. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. #41. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. #42. Youre so wired, you pick up AM radio. #43. People can test their batteries in your ears. #44. Your lifes goal is to amount to a hill of beans (coffee beans of course!) . #45. Instant coffee takes too long. #46. You channel surf faster without a remote. #47. When someone says. How are you?, you say, Good to the last drop. #48. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil #49. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. #50. You name your cats Cream and Sugar. (what a novel idea!!! Cute!!) #51/ Your Thermos is on wheels. #52. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping or blowing position. #53. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. #54. You can outlast the Energizer bunny. #55. You short out motion detectors. #56. You have a conniption over spilled milk. #57. You dont even wait for the water to boil anymore. #58. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. #59. You think being called a drip is a compliment. #60. You dont tan, you roast. #61. You dont get mad, you get steamed. #62. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after. #63. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood. #64. You cant even remember your second cup. #65. You help your dog chase its tail. #66. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. #67. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London. #68. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. #69. You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation. #70. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Posted on: Sat, 17 May 2014 15:24:33 +0000