Yall may not know this about me .... but .... Im a big fat scaredy cat. I am. Im afraid of just about everything -- how am I gonna survive on a temp worker income....how am I gonna afford gas for the Blazer.....how am I gonna feed Sissy Girl and Taz Kat...how am I gonna pay my bills....how am I gonna afford my medicine since its doubled in price now....how am I gonna afford rent....how am I gonna pay the electric bill this summer .... and the list just goes on and on. If I were a cat, Im be walking around with all my fur sticking out like a Halloween cat or something. I get myself worked up in a panic with fear and worry. Ive come to the realize that the devil keeps picking at you until he finds a weak spot and tries to dig in quick. With me, I have a couple of weak spots -- the biggest one is confidence in myself. Confidence that I am a smart woman. Confidence in my work skills. Confidence in my experience of life in general. Confidence that I actually DO deserve a higher paying job. Confidence that I am worthy. The other big weak spot for me is fear / failure. What if I do get the job that I am praying for and then I cant do it? What if the blazer breaks down? What if my hip / legs give out on me again? What if after all this time apart, Booger decides I am not what he wants? Its a wonder that I have any hair on my head at all with all this silly worry and fear. I try to stay positive. I really do try. But every once in awhile, the panic sets in and almost takes me over. Like with my current job situation....when I took on this job assignment, I knew going in that this really wasnt the kind of company that I wanted to work for but since a job means money, I took it. I didnt bond too much with anyone there because my heart kept telling me that this wasnt my home. But I gave it my absolute best. So when the word finally came down that the assignment would be ending soon, I was neither surprised or disappointed. But for just a split second, that ole familiar panic took ahold long enough for me to start doubting myself. What am I gonna do? How will I support myself??????? So, last night during my nightly phone call with Booger, he gently reminded me that fear and panic is from the devil. This man, who a year ago could not quote much scripture began to quote scripture to me using my all time favorite verse -- I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. And, In ALL things -- in ALL circumstance, give thanks to God, give God the glory. Okay - so Im paraphrasing a little bit, but I bet you know these verses. He reminded me of just how far we both have come in the past year. A year ago, I wanted to just lay down and go to sleep and never wake up. A year ago, I couldnt walk without assistance. A year ago, I couldnt stand on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time. A year ago, I couldnt drive because I couldnt get my legs up in the blazer. A year ago, I was totally dependent on someone else to take care of my needs - to help me get in and out of the shower, to help dress me. When Booger was no longer available to help me, his family and my sister came immediately and became my voice, my legs and my strength. One night during all the grief, despair and sadness that I was experiencing, my sweet sister in law, Janice, made me sit down with her and watch a movie - Wreck It Ralph. Every time I see anything to do with this movie now, it brings a smile to my face. A year ago, my beloved girl, Brenda told me to come home and begin to heal. A lot has changed in this year. Im standing. Im walking. I coordinated a major move from Kentucky back to Florida AND turned a little concrete and stucco house into home. I am sleeping in my bed now instead of the easy chair. And I dont have much pain anymore - or at least when I do have a fair up, I am able to get it under control pretty quickly. I finally cut ties with a very painful past and I have peace. I really have peace. With a new confidence and resolve, I contacted one of my favorite staffing agencies today and told them that I would be available soon not really thinking too much about it. Less than 10 minutes later, the emails starting going back and forth and by the end of the day, I am now confirmed to start a new temp assignment next week -- actually, I have two assignments that are going to piggy back each other. So what if they are short termed assignments -- they are jobs! I received Gods message LOUD and CLEAR. Whats His message? Well, Im pretty sure He is telling me to stop being a whiney, whimpy scaredy cat and to TRUST him. And as Booger so gently reminded me last night, He sure hasnt brought us this far to suddenly drop us on our heads now. Booger is a wise man. I mean, really.... he married ME , didnt he? LOL
Posted on: Thu, 26 Jun 2014 22:46:30 +0000
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