Year 4 vet school ...................time for change............... this was the year i learnt about mirrors coming from a previous year of both self inflicted and environmentally induced trauma it was a time for change...... i remember looking in the mirror and seeing the reflection of weight gain/ a weaken spirit/poor grades/ -ve self image and said NOPE/NO MOREEEEEEEEEEEE i asked God for help and He did present Himself and the things that needed to be done.... but my recent past disappointments was more than sufficient for both my inner enemies and the spiritual ones lurking outside to use as fuel to feed my -ve preconceptions of faith/trust and naturalllyyyyyyyyyy why should I? why should i trust when i got burnt especially from my community? I felt for some time that i was being punished for trying to change for the better and instead of using spiritual sight i used natural sight and judged quite a few things from face value ( 1 of the 10 tricks of the enemy~> blindness/deception; if u lack sight then you cant function)...lets just say i asked God for help but i i still had one hand on the steering wheel of my life...... i needed a functioning/healthy body so i started back exercising [ i hateeeeeeeeeeee to start back exercising after a longggggg dry spell].... i needed better grades so i started back pushing school work....... i needed to be back within the core of community I asked Him for friends { PLEASE NOTE THIS I WENT TO HIM FOR...WHILE THE OTHER 2 THINGS I DID ON MY OWN} i needed to start back studying the WORD so i spent time in the bible and notes from sunday/xelle/GLI...i needed advise so HE directed me to spiritual leadership for coverage (high up...not the tippy top but much higher than i was)...... i needed to start back building a +ve outlook in life.... i prayed/forgave/ let go and i asked HIM for friends...........life was getting better....... my grades improved a bit { moved up from bear passing to i would say 65-75% grade average my stronger courses were 75% and the weaker ones were 55-65%}.... i was losing weigh.......... my spiritual life was coming back on track somewhat.....and life was getting better....... the funny or not soooo funny thing about the Holy Spirit is that when you interact with HIM he becomes a mirror and remindsssssssssssssssss you constantlyyyyyyyy that He wants more and moreeee and moreeeeeeeeeee... Yr 4 was my trail and error Yr.....and my heart was getting tired of trying and only partially succeeding ......cause although i was getting better i had my own ways of doing many things which resulted in more selfffffffffffff inflected injury and pain.....so i asked God for one thing in particular...... i said Lord i know i need You but i cant help myself.... help me.......i couldnt honestly pray for anyone as i wasnt stronger enough to even carry my own self sooo my onlyyyyy prayer was LORD help me so that i can help others!! so He directed me to Joshua Eze on youtube and it was exactly what I needed... someone from a kingdom based perspective .....that was in my age grp.......who was very practical in what you need to do to get out of a jam...without the just pray to God and everything will be ok answer......no one ever told me about UNPLUGGED and Pursued...when i was ready to hear God he sent me what i needed.....so slowly i took a finger off one at a time as the HS convicted me more and more...another funny or not so funny thing He did was send me checks and balances every now and again { it was sooooo not funny it was a bit annoying} so every now and again at any given time ....out of the blue.... the Lord used 2 ppl right from within my community who would tell me point-blank x-y-z and the Lord knew i would hear (may or may not heed but i would at least hear).... Isaiah Eastmond and Donovan Craig Williams......many a time i would stuepes in alllll honesty and sayyyyyy why GOD why!!!!!! Yr 4 the year change needed to come but i still had one hand on the steering wheel of my life....by then end of Yr 4 i had a 2 finger hold~>{Yr5 story complete i am tried GOD.....i cant drive myself anymore...and which happens to be the BESTTTT school year in my 8yrs of tertiary education}....... the Lord sent me you Simone McFee Ria Jack Marisha Morris Patrice Q Legena Henry Roxanne Ramcharan........ i thank God for you for having words of wisdom when i needed it Dshawna Charisa Bernard Ikechi Griffith Kevin Ancil Weekes Donovan Williams Isaiah Eastmond ...... I had the 2 of you to teach me things that my peers couldnt Kurt and Jeanine St Bernard when i needed a good dose of community immersion John Polite was righttttttttt there..... when i needed to be reminded that life needed to be lived and not to just watch other ppl live theres...to enjoy laughter/see the beauty in creation and to work hard so that i could play harder Andrea Bedeau and Angelo King you 2 showed me..........when i was ready for spiritual coverage...... i had to go......and i went the Holy Spirit doesnt force you nor does He do it for you......HE helps you to do it better......... HE takes your 10%....adds 90%...so that you can present yourself to the Father a full 100% the beauty of true love~> giving up of self for others~> the crucifixion of Christ...my responsibility~> to live my life not for my use but to prepare myself that HE can use me as well!!! Yr 4................ it was ok............. but of course it needed and did get better
Posted on: Thu, 10 Apr 2014 10:14:10 +0000
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