Yes I have heart difficulties but it is me that is the major problem! It is my thinking, I am like my mother, she would drive herself in to a nervous wreck just from her thinking, on simple things, like paying bills! She needed them to be paid right away, especially when she got her old age checks. I came home more them once to find her crying! I would ask whats wrong, Mom, she kept crying & said nobody wants to go & pay my bills! I use to think, & say to her, MOM, I will go & pay your bills, you don`t have to cry! Today, now, I am exactly like her, I know that! I drive myself sick, I feel the pain in my heart, yesterday, I went to the bus depot at the airport to buy a ticket to go my sisters funeral> The transit stops at the new air port, aways from the bus depot. I could not walk that few hundred feet, I had to take my nytro medicine a few times. A few days before then my cousin, Allan & my brother said they were coming to wpg on Friday! I could not sleep all night, the nite before & very little sleep for the next few days. I got sick a few times to the point where I thought I was passing out, used a lot of nitro medicine. My younger sister knows me, when she & her husband come to wpg, she will phone me & say! We are going to wpg, I am not telling you when, we will phone you when we are in our hotel room! She knows I will not sleep the night before! It is me, that is why, when ever I get an operation, it is not the surgery or medicine that gets me into convulsions & high blood pressure, it is my thinking! I have not been sleeping, I have been getting sick because I am worrying about the trip to Dryden for the funeral. I was going to leave this Monday so as I would not get to tired for the service at Dryden. I was driving myself sick, so today, I phoned & talked to my nephew, my sisters son, who is getting buried also my neice, my sister & brother & told them, that I did not think I could go to the services because of my own thinking that I cannot stop! I know what my mother was going through in her last days. You know, since I said to them that I was not coming, I have been so relaxed! It is not them, it is nobody`s fault but mine. I do love my sisters & brother, my nieces & nephews. My sister was my casino partner when she was well, we made a lot of trips together to casino`s all over the states. She had been suffering, it is better that she went home! You young people will know many changes in yourselves as you get older. Old age is not a good age, it is like todays weather, 5.30 am it is dark, cold, wet & dreary, 5.30 pm, it is still dark, cold, wet & dreary. You do get some nice sunny warm days, just like everyday of your life, the difference, when you are young, you can handle it, when you are old you survive it. Hanging Tuff!
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 00:02:35 +0000
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