Yesterday, January 3, was my two year diagnosis date with this thing called ALS. I refuse to call it my anniversary date. I would quite honestly like to forget it and wish it never happened. Physically it has unfortunately gotten to me the last oh seven months or so...the only limb which works on me is my right arm, it only at about 50%...my speech/voice is slowly, but still all too quickly, being stolen, my breathing, well Im still breathing so I really dont bother with a # to associate it with. Am I hopeful still, sure, am I realistic, a resounding yes. I still believe there can be so much more for those of us living with and around this horrific disease. Im okay. Someday I will be free of ALS, Im not worried about me, the ones truly hurting are Mico, Dom, those who have chosen to walk this journey with us. Am I still scared? You bet your sweet ass I am, but more for them than me. To me, ALS is not about me, its them. The last 2 years, Ive lost an enormous amount... But I have gained more...new friendships which rejuvenated my hope in human kindness, old friendships renewed which replenish my heart for those I have lost, my reunited little family of 3 which looking back never apart just a little injured...a love for life which I can honestly say has always been there, you see ALS didnt make me appreciate the little things in life, Ive always done that, it gave me a reason to share it with the world, it allowed me to take all my trials and tribulations in life and come full circle. Complete me, complete love. We do not need complete understanding, we need complete allowance of ourselves to others, of our hearts, complete selflessness. So maybe ALS brought my life full circle.. I will fail at living a long life, but I will have lived a complete life. Yesterday, an instrumental was on at the end of a movie, I gracefully moved my wheelchair to the music, Mico said youre dancing arent you? I closed my eyes saidyes, Im celebrating my life, Im still here (very little of that understandable) Tears streaming down my face I continued to dance in my chair, knowing I want to dance for as long as I can. Real life. Real facts. Real me.
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 20:09:53 +0000
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