Yesterday: Ron: Peg, we are out of cereal Me: No we are not, I just bought you a box of Honey Nut Cheerios Ron: not those the Marshmellow Mateys Me: Cant do it Ronny, that was the cereal Corrie ate every morning...... Ron: (can a 60 year old man possible sound like a deflated toddler? YEP) K Soooo, this Catholic girl full of Jewish Guilt decided to buy her husband the cereal he wanted. Did you ever make a decision and in the back of your mind this constant feeling its a bad idea? Well listen to it. I stopped at the grocery store, and ran into a woman who knows the Talken family, therefore heard of Corries death. She speaks in broken English so I had to listen very hard to understand her. She asked me if that was my daughter killed in the boat. Yes I reply, praying for me to hold on to it, not to lose it in the dairy section. She tells me she and her husband have a place down on this river and it is always bad......right about now to protect my sanity, I start thinking of pink skies and mismatched socks cuz if she tells me that she witnessed the accident I will fall and never get up. Please dont get me wrong, she meant it when she said how sorry she was, I dont believe she would intentionally hurt anyone, just explaining yet another tentacle of grief. And then the question I have dreaded since hearing those horrible words in the public hallway at Capital Region Hospital: How many children do you have? HOW DO I ANSWER THAT......I DONT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND. I meekly said two, our son Brian and deceased daughter Corrie. I have to find a different way of saying it because it is a fresh wound in my heart to put the word deceased in front of the word daughter. STUPID MARSHMELLOW MATEYS. I wonder if I will ever be out going again, will I ever go into a store and not think how Corrie and I did shopping together, will I ever not have my stomach hurt when I see someone I know and fear they will ask me some innocent question that throws me into a tailspin. Will I ever feel like I wont have to place my hand on my heart to feel if it is still beating? GOD I DONT WANT THIS CROSS, I DONT WANT IT, I DONT WANT IT, I WANT OUR BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL, MY BEST FRIEND, BACK. I WANT THE MEMORIES TO FEEL GOOD AGAIN, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT HER BEAUTIFUL PICTURES WITHOUT FEELING THE LOSS AND HOLE IN MY SOUL. I really am trying not to ask why because that is what Satan wants, but it is so hard. I did sleep almost 6 hours again and had a small dream. First one since Corrie died. Not of our Belle, but it was a dream. When we said good night to our Bright Pink Star last night, I realized it was losing its color and seemed further away, so like everything else in this LIFEMARE, we will change directions and we will again search for another bright star to blow our 3 kisses to and say good night. Corrie had a deep faith, BUT that girl could party with the best of them. Did she always make the right choices: NO, but her choices she made with her free will never intentionally hurt anyone but herself, which is evident in a story her friend Liz Gordon shared about borrowing a tractor at a party they were at to find her expensive phone we got her for her b.d that she constantly was losing. Geez Mary Corinne. We know she was not an angel all the time, but she made people smile by her genuine kindness, made people laugh with her wicked sense of humor and loved her family and friend something fierce. I do believe our baby girl is leaving her daddy brother and mama for last to come to us in our dreams. I believe she has to spend more time with us and she has to get used to her angel wings and needs to become a stronger angel before she can visit us. Here is another thing I believe with all my heart and soul. I believe our 25 year old daughter impacted so many people in her short life, she believed and accepted Christ as her Savior, and did many good things in her life. I believe because of all of this, she didnt feel a thing when she was hit by the other boat. I believe our Savior Jesus came to her right before, and took her beautiful soul so she couldnt feel pain. We as Corries family do not place any blame on anyone for her accident. We have chosen instead to forgive. So my challenge today is this, whether you eat Marshmellow Mateys, shredded wheat, or anything in between as you take your first bite, forgive someone that may have hurt you. It may take a few bites or even bowls until you truly feel the anger leave and the joy of no longer hurting, but please do it. As this senseless tragedy of Corries death proves, you may not get a tomorrow to forgive. GOD BLESS, dimes, pink skies & stars, mismatched socks, Marshmellow Mateys, Unicorns and LET GO LET GOD. PS: Yes Ronny got his Marshmellow Mateys!!
Posted on: Wed, 23 Jul 2014 13:40:16 +0000
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