Yesterday and today have been a roller coaster of emotions. To the point of screaming out to God that I hate going through this. I know that doesnt sound like a reasonable thing to do from an outside perspective, but certainly reasonable if youre in the midst of it. But I can say in the Presence of The Lord is where I find peace and safety. Both last night and today, I found His Presence to be the very thing I needed. There is fullness of Joy in His Presence. There are times through all of this that I feel abandoned by God, that He has and is expecting too much from me. Then He reminds me through a message from His word or a worship song that He is near to the broken hearted. I know some might say Im so tired of hearing about how sad you are and how you wish this wasnt happening. Grief knows no time frame, holidays, or days of the week. It comes in waves, this happened to be the week of tidal waves for me. Maybe this new week wont be as bad emotionally. All I know is how I feel, theres no right way or wrong way to grieve, theres only your way. I thank The Lord for friends and my family, who listen to me and allow me to cry in front of them without judgement or advice. Theyre a God send. I love the fact that The Lord knows what I need before I do and He arranges for it to take place in advance to bring comfort and healing to my heart. Ill get through this, itll be a day at a time and then Ill be through the tough part...I think. Im sure more rough days are in store for me, but hopefully not as many and not as severe. The waves of emotions that I feel and my dependence on Christ I believe let me know, I loved deeply my bride, I grieve deeply at her home going and I depend deeply on my Savior to carry me through all of this. There is a peace though through all the emotions and rough days, I know my God has a good plan for my life and this loss and my grief He will use for His glory. Then one day all this, will be a fading memory. I will see Him face to face, He will dry my tears and I believe Ill see my bride, Ill hug her and tell her how much Ive missed her and then realize we never have to say goodbye again! I so thankful for my hope in Jesus. I love you Babe, Ill see you soon.
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 23:46:38 +0000
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