Yesterday, the 6th, was hard, sure, but it was not as hard as Saturday, which found me nearly immobile, or the Tuesday before her birthday, which was hideous. The rough days are not predictable, you see. I spoke with a dear friend in the early morning for a long time, and then went to yoga. A Yellow Swallowtail butterfly greeted me at the car and followed me halfway to class. No lie. I then drove home to drop off my computer before meeting Pam. Except, just before I pulled in the driveway, I realized I left my computer in the yoga studio. See, grief makes you dingy, spacey, forgetful. Though I am far better than I was a year ago, and did not feel particularly bad yesterday, I am still a little dingy. The yoga studio had my computer, thank God. I retrieved it. I was late meeting Pamela Moore. We had planned to go meditate at the Lake Shrine in Pacific Palisades, but luckily I checked the website for operating hours last weekend and found they were closed for the week. I googled spiritual places in Los Angeles and found a gem right here in my neighborhood. Walking distance. Had no idea it was there, right under my nose. The Peace Awareness Labyrinth and Gardens is located in a beautiful old estate on Adams. Gorgeous mansion, with a walking labyrinth and mediation garden in the back. They serve an all organic $8 lunch at 1 PM daily. We meditated, dined, and listened to the history of the building. Turns out the original owners of the home lost 4 of their 5 children. They are immortalized as angels in the amazing painting on the ballroom ceiling. I chose the right place to reflect on my daughter it seems. We then did the labyrinth, and meditated some more. There was a Yellow Swallowtail there too, dancing around the whole time we were there. It danced up and down the path. Perfect. I was teary a bit at the end, but mostly, I felt peaceful. I felt peaceful as I cried, actually. I then had a couple of hours alone at the house. I was somewhat worried about being there alone at 4:08 and on.......that was the time I found her, you see. I cleaned and dusted the mantle which has become an altar to Alice, mostly created by Grace. I lit incense and candles and kept quiet. I received gorgeous flowers along with the poem She Walks in Beauty from Deanna Goodwin, Jenna Flexner and Jennifer Muirhead Johnson, which brightened my day so much, and brought tears to my eye. Gillian Bayer and Steven Hafran dropped off cards and gorgeous paper flowers made by their children. The people of this neighborhood have been so good to me, and there is not a day that goes by I dont thank God that I landed in West Adams. I did, in fact, break down at 4:08, but it was short lived....just a few minutes. Two dear friends checked on me around that time, and shortly after that my phone blew up with all sorts of folks checking on me, the vast majority of whom had no idea the significance of the time. My sweet nephews Tucker Lee Monroe and Zeke Monroe both texted, as did many other family members. I reclined on the floor to return the messages. I realized later I was in the exact spot where I had attempted CPR. Mind-boggling. Elizabeth Christie and Darla picked up Grace from school for me so that I could be quiet that day, which was so good of them. They brought treats from the bakery, and the girls played. Beautiful to see the girls play, and also a bit bittersweet, as Alice would be Darlas age now. But Ill never know what she would be like at 3..... Other friends popped by and were in and out all night, most bringing food to share, or drinks, and other sweet gifts, like the necklaces with the girls initials Betsy Rosenfeld Vargas made for Grace and I. Chrislie Theus brought the best gift, Graces BFF Elle, making Grace one happy kid. Oh, those girls love each other. We kept the candles going, including the one with Alices picture on it, the one Erin Dean Colcord made me last year. We sat around the table and talked and nibbled and drank homemade margaritas compliments of sweet Jennifer Nice . It was a nice night. A perfect night, really. Another friend had me call before going to bed to make sure I was OK, and I was. You know how I really know it was a good night? This morning, a grumpy Grace turned her attitude around when she looked in the kitchen to see it still full of all the food and love we had been gifted the night before. Mama, last night was really great, Mama. It was fun, and it is great to have so many friends to love. Ill say. Thank you to everyone that stopped by, checked in, sent photos or notes or prayers or love. It helped. It really did. All my love... peacelabyrinth.org
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 05:56:57 +0000
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