Yesterday was the last time I saw my biological mother alive. Seven days later she would take her own life. For nineteen (19) years I was haunted by that and always felt an immense amount of pain. Yesterday wouldve been year twenty (20) and things would have been the same, except this year Im AWAKE. I still cannot take all the credit, Wallick helped me realize that I was afraid to let go of the pain because I didnt know who I was without that pain, that agony of having a mother that never loved me. My beloved KiKi took me through a long trip of who Ive become since I awakened and the redeeming qualities I had and still have now that I am awake. So, today Im free. Learning to forgive yourself is much harder than forgiving someone else for wronging you. Excepting that my mother was mentally ill and the action she took was to free herself. Im sure it had very little to do with me, if at all. Thats an act of pure selfishness. She left minor children because thats the action she chose. My choice is to be free. Free from self imposed guilt, free from not letting ANYBODY in, and free from hiding who I really am. If you dont like me, the genuine me, theres something wrong with you. I say this in all humility, TK is awesome. I can be the most loving, charming, loyal, funny, friend you could ever have, if you hang around long enough to get through my layers. Im working on trimming to layers. Im not as broken as I was, and theres work still to do. But all honesty, this is the absolute happiest Ive been since my father left his physical form. Im usually very guarded with my innermost thoughts and feelings, but Im also learning to be less selfish. Somewhere in this world there is a person that feels exactly what Ive felt. They need to know, there is light on the other side. If I can help and dont then Ive done us all a disservice. I wont share my woman, or my Wallick, the rest is fair game. If Ive helped ANYBODY in ANY way, Ive done a good job. The Law Of Attraction will make sure this reaches those that need it. Stay Encouraged. Music: Have Faith written by Marsha Ambrosius performed by Floetry. Quote by Frederick Douglass
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 06:14:30 +0000
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