Yesterdays event was not as advertised. Mary Alice and I showed up at the same place looking for the farm. There was no dairy there. Just a few people pushing some Black Angus cattle into a chute. Not a dairy. Beef cattle. For those of you who never have cause to consider such things; dairy cattle are handled twice a day and like the experience. Beef cattle are handled 3 or 4 times in their lives and do NOT like the experience. I spent the next 11 hours getting kicked and trampled while I pushed crazy heifers and unhappy cows up to the chute. Among the sea of black there was a Devonshire cross cow with the most wicked looking set of horns I have ever seen on an animal. Some cattle have huge, almost comic looking horns. Some cattle, like Herefords, occasionally, have very solid, useful looking horns. This girls horns were just wicked. They curved forward and came to almost surgical points. When I saw her in the pasture she slowly turned towards me then walked purposefully in my direction. It is not a big problem when you are dealing with just one mean cow in a herd. All you have to do is keep at least one of the other beasts between you and the mean one. I scrupulously did so as I cut out the next 20 cows and pushed them up to the holding pen. Once in the holding pen I turned around and latched the gate. When I turned around I discovered that all of the cattle except the girl with horns had moved to the far side of the pen in the natural manner of most cattle who would rather avoid people than confront them. The girl with horns had a different agenda. She had quietly walked towards me and had me very effectively cornered with her horns only inches from my chest. Her look was not mean. It was just purposeful. I froze and thought of how simply this could all turn to tragedy. Those wicked sharp horns held up by a strong neck and driven by a thousand pounds of cow could very quickly add heart, lung, and liver to my list of charitable donations this year. I froze in panic and wondered how I could divert this cow from her evil intentions without panicking her into action. I do not know how long I stood there. Long enough to let a long and happy life pass before my eyes I suppose. Just then, from the other pen the farmer noticed my predicament. He hollered to me: She just wants you to scratch her head. For some reason she loves that and every time she sees someone she wont let them alone until they spend a minute scratching her forehead for her. I am reminded of a favorite line from the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit where cartoon characters interact with real actors in a murder mystery. A voluptuous woman is trying to explain her position to a detective and says: I am not a bad girl, they just drew me this way. Judge not that ye be not judged was the lesson for today. Oh, and dont presume that just because you were invited to spend the day doing Johnes testing that it would be at a dairy. Oh, and dont count on getting back in time for Cub Scouts any day when you are working cattle. Live is good and I am glad they invited me to the party. I hope your day is spectacular.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Oct 2014 10:47:55 +0000