You can easily interchange the men with women or even use another person; point is, you dont need anyone to complete you, you just need to be happy within yourself first. Going into a relationship with the expectation that they can complete you is more than likely going to end up in failure. Instead, look for someone that complements you. Now granted, Ive never been in a proper relationship, but at the same time, going into a relationship feeling incomplete is hardly going to result in any happiness. Its best to take a step back, evaluate your life and work upon your personal development. When you become happy within yourself, you will be more able to see things as they are (along with any opportunities), because your view on life will be changed as a result; you will feel more positive about things as well, which means that you will have a different outlook on life and be happier as a result. Everyone should know by now that Im polyamorous (if you dont, you do now) and to be honest, being poly has helped me see certain things in a different light, but equally, I still understand the above as it applies to everyone, regardless of their relationship configuration. Im currently solo for the most part because I am trying to sort out things in my life before I can even consider a relationship proper. I feel that it would be inappropriate for me to be in any formal relationship(s) on the basis that Id have the inability to give to it (them) at this current stage in my life... that is to say I cannot afford any right now. Those of you on my friends list will know why, but suffice it to say Im not doing well in a lot of aspects right now, which would mean I couldnt commit to anything 100%, even despite my desire to. Unfortunately, even if one has a strong desire and willingness to do something, certain things can be a disruptive influence, so even if your heart is in something, you can still have an inability to give to it as much as you feel it (so rightly) deserves. Ultimately, this is why its so, so important to make sure everything is hunky dory within yourself and that youre content and secure enough within yourself to actually follow through with your desire for the relationship. I say follow through, because desire + willingness = commitment, at least in my eyes. You can be committed to something but unable to follow-through with it a lot of the time, due to personal circumstances, which are even more painful to cope with especially if its something out of your control. Now, I could probably go on about this easily, with the way things are flowing right now but the bottom line is that its foolish to go into a relationship expecting someone to complete you, or be the sole reason for your happiness; dont get me wrong, its perfectly reasonable to say that someone youre with genuinely makes you happy (or rather happier if were being more specific), but they shouldnt be the only reason youre happy because thats a recipe for disaster. I think part of my mindset (the above) was developed over time and also rejecting the conventional views on relationships. Being poly has enabled me to realise a lot of things, both about myself and also about how I previously perceived relationships. For instance, I no longer experience jealousy or envy to the levels I did in the past, because I feel that the emotions are mostly redundant, though I acknowledge that theyre normal human emotions which I shouldnt let myself be controlled by. But yeah, Im rambling again... Im going to stop it here for now and maybe I might continue and/or expand upon it in a note or a blog entry in the near future...
Posted on: Thu, 26 Jun 2014 21:43:51 +0000
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