You can learn a lot in desperation mode, as long as you are willing to process and not worry. I think worry removes the ability to grow because were so concentrated on an unknown future. But we also dont want to live in the past. However, sometimes were in the place of desperation because we do things - or dont do things - the same, over and over. A revelation I had today was that I really like the fairy tale. I mean, I REALLY like the fairy tale. I KNOW that the story ends well. I KNOW that evil always loses. And I know that there is never a fairy tale that ends badly. But heres the part of the fairy tale that has been harmful to my life. I am a Damsel in distress and long for the rescuer to ... well...rescue me. I have a long line of rescuers in my life. I even see God as my rescuer. While that is essentially true, this is a dangerous belief right now. Im happy being Cinderella, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty (especially Sleeping Beauty) But ... this is the thing ... I have to quit looking for someone to rescue me! I have to claw my way out of this pit, pull my dirty self onto the ground and stand up! It does suck though that my kids have had to suffer through all of this stuff the past ten years. Thats the part that is most painful. Another thing I learned today was that for the past ten years Ive had this need to protect them. Perhaps it was guilt for not being able to protect them from their own dad. I dont really know. And I guess I dont have to have it all figured out. But...Ill do the best I can.
Posted on: Tue, 26 Aug 2014 01:23:43 +0000
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